A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'd like to know a simple thing. Is it normal for my mother in law to still insist on talking to my fiance's exes? Because I find it bizaare. For me, once an ex is an ex, they are that exactly an EX part of my life, none existant. I cut them out of my life, I don't talk to them, that is it. But for my fiance the only reason he stopped talking to his exes was because he could see it weirded me out a little but his mum still remains close with them. Is this normal behaviour? He wasn't in serious relationships with them, he was with them for three months maybe? She also talks to the girl who Jarrod disowned as a friend after she attempted to break us up. Why? Will someone help me out on this? I should also note my fiance and I are in a serious relationship, we have a ten month old son and another on the way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. Very helpful :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): It depends on the situation and the family. In my case Ive been with my boyfriend for over 4 years now. His mother, whom I am very, very close with, still contacts some of his exes and even has them over to her house, but never when we are there and its rare anything is ever even mentioned to us. Thats just the type of person she is. She makes friends with them and sometimes they stick around afterwards, some of them for more than 10 years. Thats just normal for his family. Ive even taken the time to meet one of two of them and its very clear there is nothing shy of a platonic relationship, if any, that my boyfriend and his family have with these women. It used to weird my out as well but my boyfriend and I go over there every week, do laundry, eat dinner, whatever. Its never caused any trouble and so I see no point in being weirded out by it. One of my exes mothers who I was close with, I still talk to her. Its not a big deal on that side either. We just update each other on our lives and never mention her son because our friendship has nothing, and hasnt for years, to do with him anymore. Just a note, my boyfriend and I have lived together for nearly 4 years and are in baby mode ourselves, so we too have a very serious relationship.That of course is my situation. I would say that if his mother isnt encouraging that he talk to these women then you shouldnt let it bother you. As long as her friendship with them doesnt overlap into your relationship then I see no reason for concern.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): My mother does that and it p`s me off and like you, was wondering if it was normal. Seems it is. It`s not him,it`s his mother. He is with you and it probably has him in a tricky situation,in which is not in his control.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): I think you shouldn't worry, it depends on the break up. I do not talk to my ex-mother in laws, because I would never want to have anything to do with my ex boyfriend or his family.
But my sister still talks to her ex-mother in law, I guess they got very close while she was with her son, and they remained good friends afterwards. But they only talk on the phone or only visits when she's alone, never when the ex boyfriend is around.
Oh and also, my sister won't let her current boyfriend know that she still talks to her ex-mother in law. He would be furious.
Some ppl find it strange, others not.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 Some people, parents, develop relationships with their children's friends, exes or whatever and once their child has separated ways with that person doesn't mean that the parent has. The parent has a different relationship with that person.
Some people are like that. I think it's strange, but hey, people are strange anyway so I think it's fine.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 January 2011):
 I don't think this is bizarre at all. She most likely really liked these ladies and considers them to be friends. Your boyfriend must be a great judge of people and have excellent taste. Don't let it bother you, it shouldn't.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 I think it's perfectly fine, especially as they weren't in a serious relationship. If the relationship isn't serious then it's likely the breakup was a soft one and not one filled with pain and heartache. In those cases it is quite easy to remain friends afterwards.
As for his mother, I guess she likes to judge people herself by her own standards, and doesn't let her son tell her who she can and can not talk to. A bit disloyal I suppose, but that all depends on how much she knows about the facts of what happened, whether she believes in them or not, or even see it as such a crime.
Anyway, I think this sounds ok. Unusual for you, but people are different. As long as it's not causing the relationship any harm (in for example making you jealous) then being friends with an ex is perfectly fine. You shouldn't make him have to choose between them or you though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): I don't think it matters. She obviously got to know them and why, if she liked them, should she cut them out of her life and defriend them. The 'Ex' factor refers to the partner, not all relatives, contacts etc surely. To me it is strange that you think it is a problem. If you felt secure within yourself it would not bother you.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (13 January 2011):
 I guess it can be normal yes, although a bit bizzare.
One of my ex girlfriends mother still emails me from time to time to ask how I am getting on.
Dont let it ruin what you have with your fiance now.
Just hope she doesnt invite them round for dinner.
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