A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:is it normal that I still visit my best friends grave even though hes been gone for 8 years he died of leukemia and my friends say that its not healthy to think about the deacesed, but im happy and talk to him even though he cant hear me I like to think he can. am I weird or just wrong about what Im doing sombody please help
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female
reader, rootsreggaerocknroll  +, writes (28 March 2008):
its fine to remember someone who died a long time ago (i miss my grandad who died four years ago all the time!) and likewise there is nothing wrong with laying flowers and visiting their grave, as long your grief doesnt dominate your life
If you're worried about this, have you thought about seeing a bereavement counsellor? they'll be able to help you talk through your feelings and help you remember your friend in a constructive way.
A
male
reader, Abacadaba +, writes (28 March 2008):
 I think i would do the same, anybody who says you have a problem obviously hasnt got a friend they are that comited too. Its nice to see people who carrying on loving after the pass is made, id want my friends to visit me if anything where to happen.
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A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (28 March 2008):
 Do what makes you feel good about your friend. YOu obviously don't want closure yet. That's okay. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Visit as often as you like.
One day, your friend will tell you it's okay not to and then you'll move on. And that's okay too.......
Been there, done that.
Gena
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (28 March 2008):
 Personally having lost a lot of close friends and family in my life, I can say it is totally normal. I still miss them and go and chat to them every chance I get. Its not being morbit, its our way of staying close to those we loved even if we cant see them.
Let other people think what they want! You know that you are happy and still yourself. If it gets to the stage that you are depressed because they are gone or something like that, then I would say, yeah there is something not right. But you seem to have your head screwed on right, so dont worry about what others think!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): Tell your friends to back off. It's fine and everyone does their own thing and is entitled to.
As long as you don't think you're friend is still alive then you're perfectly healthy and keep talking to them. I do this with my dad that passed away. It helps calm you down and rationalize and make you eel better about problems or whatever.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 We all grief in our own way. There is no time limit nor "right" method.
What counts, if that is the right word, is that you do not let it consume your life. As tragic as your friends death may have been, you are still alive. If your method of dealing with it helps you appreciate life and life it to the fullest, so be it.
If you let it consume you, stop you from enjoying life, or even just let it interfere with normal everyday activities, then it is bad for you.
How often do you visit the grave? Just how intensly are these talk sessions? Are they not just an other method of prayer? Billions pray to a god, if that is "real" why not talking to a diseased person, as long as you are not hearing him, it could be therapautic.
Again, as long as it doesn't control your life, I wouldn't worry about it.
How do your parents feel about it? Your friends are probably young teens, I wouldn't exactly rely on them for advice on coping with grief yet. If your parents and other adults see nothing wrong, if you are leading a reasonably normal teens life, then what is the problem?
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (28 March 2008):
 I don't find anything wrong with it. You have a memory of him and you want to maintain it. There is nothing wrong with that. You want to talk to him and let him know that you remember him. I see nothing wrong with it, in fact, I find it to be quite healthier than just keeping things in and bottling it up.
But I think you are fine unless it is keeping you from living your life, but anything that does that is not good. I see no problem with visiting your friend's gravesite and talking to him. It keeps your connection to him going. Personally, I hope my friends would do the same as long as they are not doing it in the sense of mourning my passing.
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (28 March 2008):
 There is nothing weird at all with you going to visit your friend's grave. If it gives you comfort then you carry on, for as long as you wish.
You shouldn't worry about what the others think.
It's lovely that you think of him, in your eyes you don't want him forgotten.
You have my sympathies, honey, and don't you worry about them.
BigSis xXx
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