Any tips to be sexually aggressive in the bedroom?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex

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Question - (28 March 2008)

5 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2008)

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hey-

My bf absolutely loves to be controlled during sexual activities. It's odd, because he's normally the more agressive one and I the more passive, but it's totally different during our personal encounters.

Is there a reason for that? Anyone have any tips that he might find pleasurable?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008):

There are all kinds of options, it all depends on what he is into... I personally have a lot of fun making dirty deals... If you let me do [blank] whenever I want until we fall asleep, you can do whatever you want to me, and tell me what to do. If its something I am really opposed to she will back off, but she'll push my limits a little, and she warns me ahead of time if its questionable... Sometimes she'll just want to get down to business and I get to do [blank], and thats fun... Other times she'll tell me to put my arms over my head and she just pins me and tells me not to fight... or even not to move... which is really exciting... on the days and nights when she is feeling especially naughty, our bag of toys comes out (complete with an egg vibe, soft yet sturdy rope, leg and arm cuffs, flavored heating lube, and some other odd ends)... being at the mercy of another like that takes a lot of trust, but its VERY exciting when you can't move or see and you don't know where the next kiss will fall on your entire body. She has also pushed my limits with things like slapping, anal, biting, and scratching... Some guys are REALLY nervous about getting a finger somewhere foreign, so definitely don't push that one if he says no. I'm personally not big into slapping, but biting is a HUUUUGE turn on... My lip is all torn up as I write this and its making me grin just thinking about how it got that way... Its kinda like a hickey... you want to flaunt it a little the next day...

All of that is once you're already alone though... Some of the BIGGEST turn ons happen before the action starts... When you're in the mood, give off some signals... a kiss thats a little more rough than usual, a new hickey, kissing his neck... or my personal favorite, dirty dealing... I have gone from completely honest intentioned to VERY excited with just one offer "If you go into my room, and take off all your clothes, I'll let you do whatever you want to me"... let him know you want him to do something naughty to you and instantly he will want to...

And simplest of all... T-E-A-S-E... Foreplay is NOT dead and there is so much fun to be had... make him want you so bad it almost hurts, then turn yourself over to his desires... if he likes lingerie, then take him to the mall and shop for some... pick one thats not really his taste, then return later and buy the one he was lustfully staring at on the mannequin... when you walk in the room and his eyes fill with desire, his passions will get the better of him, and so will yours...

As for why, it could be anything. Some guys worry about their performance, I personally worried my first time that girls were porcelain dolls that could be easily broken if I wasn't careful. If its either of those then you are set. Make him feel good afterwards, but don't lie. If you had an orgasm, let him know, but don't lie. It won't make things better for either of you, and if he is even suspicious that it was a lie, he'll feel even worse. If he is just careful, then cut him a deal "I'll do [blank] if you will do whatever I say in the bedroom tonight"... then figure out what you want to try and get it... hold him to his promise... tell him to ravage you if thats what you're looking for... if he is still too nice about it, egg him on (eg. Cant do that any faster/harder?) be nice, but get it how you want it... don't just settle for his pace... once he gets it right, make SURE you tell him how amazing it was and that he should totally do it again... once you broaden his horizons a little, he'll come around :)

Beyond that, just communicate your interests, and really listen to his... then do what you can...

Hope you get what you're looking for!

Tony (20)

P.S. My girlfriend read and totally agrees with this. She also wants to add that "Deal making is great, I get it my way and don't even think about him, long as we're both satisfied at the end it was mission accomplished. And everything we have done has gone both ways, though usually him in charge leaves my nipples sore from him sucking on them. Bondage is great!"