A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal to dislike any love scenes, or want to hear about people's sex lives once you've been hurt in love?I had a bad split with my ex a few months back. He didn't love me and went off with a woman I know. Although I do not want him back - I am still very hurt and have no interest in relationships, looking at love scenes on the TV and certainly couldn't look at any porn anymore - not that I really liked it anyway.I hear about people who have been hurt in love - but I always assumed they get over it - but for me It has been a while now and I don't even like to hear slushy love song lyrics as I don't believe love can be found.I am not depressed - I do have a social life - I just can't bear anything amorous around me. Do other people experience this too after a breakup?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2015): Girlfriend, can we talk? About two years ago, I got blind-sided and dumped. No fights, no disagreements, and great sex. Perhaps I was just on cloud nine, and ignored all the warning-signs. I do admit, I discovered some creepy stuff on him; but I wrote it off as a personality-quirk. Looking back, it was really kind of dark. Sometimes you can be too open-minded. I shutter to think of it now!
Anyway, after the shock; I really felt like hell. I was a hot mess. I mean, I hoped the phone would ring. I heard phantom phone message tones, and I had a hard time eating or sleeping. At night, I watched scenes of our vacations and love-making on the ceiling projected from my mind. I experienced a feeling like a 300-pound weight was sitting on my guts. I just felt awful. The floor was magnetized, and the soles of my shoes were lead! Looking back, wow!!!
I've come a long way. Got a great new boyfriend. I'm at peace with myself and over my ex. My new guy and I are doing great! You'll get there! Take the time like I did.
I took my time for my feelings to turn around and all that crap in my soul to be purged and flushed from my system.
A great guy came out of nowhere, and he's been with me ever since. I wasn't even looking for him. He just happened!
Like you...I hated love songs. I cringed listening to some woman at work chatting away about planning her daughter's wedding. I rolled my eyes so far back in my head; I must have looked possessed by a demon! I took every damned CD I ever played when that dumper was around; and tossed them in the trash. Is that normal? You betcha!!! It's as good for you as vitamin D fortified milk, and vitamin gummies!
In fact, it's downright healthy; if it helps you to sort out your feelings and pull yourself back to normalcy. Everyone who has been broken-hearted reaches that stage of numbness. A total adversity to romance. I felt sick when a very handsome friend kissed me on the side of my neck. He does that all the time.
I was totally repulsed. I didn't say anything, but he saw the disgusted look on my face; and was totally puzzled. I know exactly what you mean. Sex? Pa-shaw! I'd get aroused for some self-pleasure; and a mental-picture of his aggravating stupid face (that dumb expression when he dumped me) would cross my mind, and I'd go totally limp!
I found these emotional-episodes protected me from rebound activities. I could go out with my friends and have a good time; and just look at the pretty scenery. I was numb from head to toe. Oh, I'd have relapses where I felt needy and abandoned. Then I'd go cold again. Any of this sound familiar? I'd run hot and cold. Tough and weak. Back and forth and back and forth. Then I'd turn to stone.
Use it as a way to speed-up your healing process. Just be careful not to be bitter and nasty. What happened to you is very unfortunate; but never let any man maintain power over your feelings and emotions. Just let these feelings run their course; but always be kind and receptive to polite compliments and heartfelt flirtations from nice gentlemen.
That's good for your self-esteem, and you don't want to walk around with a bug up your butt and an attitude too long. You've got to tone-down and gauge the "bitch-mode." It pops up at work, at parties, and in inappropriate situations. Don't let it get out of hand. Mentally and psychologically; you're being reprogrammed, and you're rebooting. That's all! Purging and detaching! Don't became a hornet ready to sting everybody!
Loneliness because you're unapproachable means you've gone too far, and your ex damaged you too deeply. Don't give anyone that much power over your feelings, my dear.
You'll be okay. We all go through it. I avoided all the channels with soap operas and dramas, flicked away love scenes, and wouldn't watch any of my favorite chick-flicks. I even avoided my friends with new boyfriends. Yes my dear lady, I've been there and I've done that. Just don't let it deteriorate into jealousy and cynicism. Then your ex wins; because he made you unmarketable on the dating scene. While he's got a new love to strut around on his arm!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2015): yes they do ..and its a very assertive way of dealing with things! You dont need to be hindered by stuff youve just had a bad overdose of.You need nice things,that you enjoy doing.Keep the slushy stuff for colds and keep the tissues near for those miserable days..unless you keep a very assertive stance you will feel low now and again,but the beauty of life is that all this fades into a one-sentance-expression of "oh..that..no.it didnt work out..i guess i got kinda bored of him in a way.."Plan out some of the better things you want to do in life and head towards them..you have just jumped some enormous life hurdles,nearly seamlessly,so in many peoples eyes you are magnificent but you know in your heart you are dear ol you just needing some space to get a few things in order.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (22 August 2015):
Relax, it’s normal. In fact, it isn’t just people who’ve had a breakup that experience this. Lots of people feel that these things are private matters and don’t feel comfortable hearing lots of detail or seeing lots of amorous activity around them. Lots of people see that the slushy love songs and romantic movies are so far removed from most people’s reality that they just find them annoying. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with healthy levels of cynicism: you just don’t want to hear it. You have a more mature understanding of how relationships work. You might fall in love again, but in reality you know that it won’t make life perfect or always run smoothly, and it’ll probably start from a firm friendship. Concentrate on enjoying your social life and don’t worry that there is anything wrong in how you feel about the lovey dovey stuff.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (22 August 2015):
 Hi,
what you're experiencing/feeling is very normal indeed!
So long as your thoughts are not crossing over, by way of which i mean, you don't take your personal feelings out unto others, venting if you will, it's all ok.
Most people, after any type of breakup, will often remain single & avoid couples get togethers, for quite some time, but not everybody will experience this.
Many people pick up & move on quickly, whilst others will take much longer to overcome any feelings of hurt, pain, grief, etc;.
What will help you most is to find closure, to be in total touch with your inner emotions & feelings & to allow them to be expressed, if/when you feel the desire to do so.
If you feel like crying, cry & this will enable you to accept what is, to deal with the hurt thst you felt after your ex chose to be with another.
Look @ it this way, you were better off to find out now, than to have found out later down the line.
What i will say is that you will feel better with time & you will find love again, but only if you allow love to enter your heart.
You must re-open your heart to the door of love, because if you don't, you will never find that ideal relationship.
Try not to worry too much @ this stage about what/how you feel, because again, it is very normal to wish to avoid anything 'lovey dovey', in all it's forms & shapes.
To listen to anything 'relationship' orientated will be quite difficult for many people & do know that you're not alone there.
I wish you all the best & let me know how you get on. :-)
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A
female
reader, feywild126  +, writes (22 August 2015):
Yes, I'd say it's normal. Some people get over these things quicker, but some, like us, it takes a LONG time. We just care very deeply, and if it's not affecting your social life or mental health, there's nothing wrong with it. I had a similar kind of break up 4 years ago, and I'm still learning to get over it, partly because they were my first romantic relationship, and because I'm still friends with them. I get the same way, where I can't stand romance scenes, or porn, and I get pretty down now and again. I think it's just part of the process. Don't feel like you have to push yourself; just work through it in your own time. And don't let anyone make you feel bad about how you feel. Your feelings are valid. Breakups and heartache are A LOT harder than they make it sound.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2015): yes it its normal to hate other people's sex lives and such after a while.it drives me crazy hearing about theres so, i think that it is.
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