A
female
age
26-29,
*eywild126
writes:I'm a virgin, I've been masturbating for years, but I just recently had my first orgasm. I was happy and giddy and everything they say you SHOULD feel just after an orgasm, but hours later, I became very guilty, scared, and sad, and I still am (the act happened yesterday). I'm not from a religious family, and we don't have much emphasis on waiting until marriage for sex, but we really kind of avoid talking about anything sexual. I DID have a kind of relationship about 4 years ago that ended suddenly with me finding out they never really felt quite the same way I did, and I'm still working through the pain of that. I don't know if that could contribute? I guess I'm asking if this is normal, and if it will go away soon, or if I should contact a counselor.
View related questions:
orgasm Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, feywild126 +, writes (24 August 2015):
feywild126 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo add on some more understanding, the person I dated all those years ago, a girl, what with her realizing she wasn't as into the relationship as I was, but still uncertain, was never very affectionate. Sometimes I felt like she pushed me away. Now she's found someone else, and they've talked about marriage once they have the money, and they're sexually active, and as I'm still friends with her, because I value the friendship we have, I learn about these things and it still hurts. Sometimes quite a bit. Now that I've had time to think about it, I know that is what caused the sadness, while the message of masturbation/sex = taboo is what caused the guilt and shame. The fear came from doing such a "grown up" act, accomplishing something so adult-seeming, and feeling intimidated by the so very grown-up act, similar to how some people feel when first going into college, or getting their first job.
But I also realize there was bitter disappointment hidden in there. I expected an orgasm to be this grandiose, intensely pleasurable thing, and it was more just a......reaction. Maybe that's just because it was my first and I still have to learn how to make it pleasurable?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2015): i wouldnt bother feeling guilty after an orgasm because what is the point of it?If God didnt want people to have orgasms He wouldnt have made it part of human nature would He? Also no one has been harmed, you didnt get an std, your internal wiring is all in good working order and you dont need to seek therapy or any kind of assessment because you are normal. Plus you are not going to get pregnant and well, who cares.It's your business sweetheart.No one is demanding to know if you washed behind your ears or flossed your teeth.If you feel really guilty just drop a bag of sugar out of the window and give a bit of your happiness away to the ants and other insects who will spend hours happily devouring and storing and buzzin on sugar.You took a bit from yourself...you gave a bit back to nature as a thankyou.Abandon those guilty feelings..you are normal.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (22 August 2015):
Perhaps you still feel some sadness about the breakup and curiosity as to how things might have been different. Until you have better relationship experiences to compare it with, that’s understandable. Your body was awash with chemicals after this experience, and when our biology mixes with our emotions, funny things can happen that aren’t always easy to explain. Emotional responses to sexual experiences are complicated and, at times, odd. I have read posts before from users, male and female, who have had feelings of sadness or guilt after an orgasm, whether it was through masturbation or sex with a partner. They are often curious as to why, since they neither believe the sexual activity to have been wrong, or live in communities and families where others would disapprove. Perhaps, despite everything, because lots of families don’t talk openly about sex, you think it’s a sort of guilty pleasure: not wrong, but nothing you’d exactly be proud of either. If you combine that with the fact that every high has a come down (and really, when you orgasm you are high on your body’s own chemicals), it’s easier to understand the feeling of guilt or sadness. The important thing for you to remember is that there is no genuine reason to feel sad or bad in all this. You did nothing wrong, and if you enjoyed the experience you shouldn’t hold back if you want to try and repeat it. This will fade.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
A
male
reader, IanHenryCooper +, writes (22 August 2015):
 Are you kidding? You are to be congratulated for hitting gold after all that time trying!
It's perfectly normal and totally what our bodies are designed for. You should be aware that the clitoris has only one fuction - to give pleasure; it has no other purpose, so enjoy it.....
Remember, an orgasm a day keeps stress away!
xxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2015): You do not need to contact any counsellor. Not long ago when I was 21, I felt exactly the same way. I felt guilty after climaxing, felt guilty and still continued to try to climax myself. From a very tender age I started masturbating and felt guilty everytime. Now I am 22, I am still a virgin, yes and I have learnt to live with the guilt. Probably you're feeling guilty because some people place you high and if some certain people found out you were masturbating, they would be astonished and you would be ashamed or probably you would feel dirty. Let me tell you something. Sex is part of human nature we can't run from. Some people like you and I have just decided not to have sex probably because of the commitment(just saying) and have settled for other means. All my words won't take your guilt away but you would infact not stop masturbating after this. In time, the guilt would stop. Goodluck
...............................
|
