A
male
age
30-35,
*oolguy100
writes:To be short and blunt, sex doesn't interest me at all. I thought it did but it was just me being hung up on being a virgin. Once I got past this barrier, sex just doesn't appeal to me. Is this normal and is there any way to have a relationship without sex? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (30 July 2011):
 Hmm. I saw your reply and it's interesting. You do get aroused by women and you have masturbated yet you say sex with the women who arouse you is not interesting. You say you would find it too much trouble. I would say before you close the door on it that you find someone whom you care for and cares for you and try it first. Now if your not willing to give up your virginity until marraige then thats respectable and I say keep with that idea. But if your intention is to explore sexuality then I suggest trying it. But sex in general, if you think in the way of Ghandi, is really only necessary for procreation only. So if that becomes your feelings as well then that is ok. But just know as Ghandi knew that certain sacrifices would be made, like the pleasures of sex and possibly closeness with the opposite sex. If you find a woman whom feels the same as you then you have found your match. But it will be tough.
A
male
reader, coolguy100 +, writes (30 July 2011):
coolguy100 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your post and especially to Alex Sparky for her website link but iam fully aware of what an asexual person is and it could possibly be me. I fully cant call myself that though because im really not sure where I stand. I know for sure im not gay because women do turn me on but like I stated earlier my mind doesn't find it interesting. As to the masturbation questions, im only human of course I do it. to me as a person sex is so bland, two people with each other making noises and ect. I really dont see the fun in that especially since im a male and us guys have to be held to a certain standard on lasting long and things of that nature. I see all the time on here women complaining about there boyfriends not being good in bed and why do I wanna put myself through that and have another thing in life to worry about when im perfectly ok with just pleasing myself.
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A
female
reader, AlexSparky +, writes (29 July 2011):
 maybe you're just asexual.
asexual is a sexual orientation where people like to be in relationships but they just don't like sex. they prefer hugging or holding hands or just spending time laughing together.
being asexual means you can still have a great relationship. there is NOTHING mentally, physically or emotionally wrong with you. don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
you just have to find someone who feels the same way. but first i suggest doing some experimenting to confirm this.
hell! maybe you're gay and you just don't know it yet. don't be afraid to experiment and good luck out there.
ps; http://www.asexuality.org/home/
^^i hope you can find some info and support here!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): It is everything functioning alright do you masturbate? I mean if you masturbate then surely you want to have sex. if you're not masturbating do you have wet dreams at night? you're not doing anything to effect your testosterone levels?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 It depends from what " normal " means.
If you mean in a statistical sense, then it's surely not normal, nor usual; a wide majority of people is , at different levels, interested in sex .
If you mean it as " not pathological " I don't think anybody at Dear Cupid can tell you. To find out if there's something wrong with your body or psyche, or you are just born this way, you should consult both a physician and a psychiatrist.
As for if it's possible having a relationship without sex, well sure. But not by choice, in general. Like, if a spouse becomes impotent ,or paralyzed, people generally stick around.
But not because of a personal preference for total abstinence.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 I say don't knock 'til you've tried it then.
I also think either you are asexual (don't even masturbate, aren't attracted physically to people) or quite simply: you haven't met someone yet who ticks your boxes.
Having sex for the pleasure of sex in itself is something few of us do. For many it is more about the person you have sex with. For people who want the emotional connection first, and who on top of things are picky about what they are attracted to (come naturally) it can go years between each partner they find.
You're so young you've barely stuck your nose out there in the dating department, and if I am correct you just haven't met the right girl yet. You haven't met a girl (or boy if you're gay) that turns you on.
Not having met them however is no proof of you not liking sex, or you never meeting them. It just means it hasn't happened yet.
Nothing much to do about this either way, but don't lock yourself up in a label or a box saying "I will never have sex" "I am not interested in sex" "I don't want sex". You never know, maybe some day you'll want to give it a shot, and it'd be ashame if you've been telling yourself that you shouldn't do it because it would go against who you think you are.... So, be open minded about this a little longer.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 Usually, when you "pass the barrier", you want to make repeated and frequent use of that gap in the Berlin wall. So I would say your lack of interest in sex is not "usual".
Maybe you're gay?
If not, then perhaps you're just afraid of it but haven't recognized it.
As to having a relationship without sex, yes, it's possible, with a small number of people, and I'm afraid not many twenty-year old girls are among them.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 July 2011):
 Well that depends, are you attracted to people, do you masturbate? If so then you are not asexual. It could mean either the sex was bad/you weren't attracted to them, or perhaps you're not attracted to that group of people (for instance gay or straight).
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A
male
reader, coolguy100 +, writes (22 July 2011):
coolguy100 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to mention that im a virgin but I like being in a relationship. Just the intimacy part doesn't interest me. I was caught up in being a virgin I thought I wasn't able to have a conversation with a woman but once I found out it was all in my head I realized this. Ive had many chances to have sex and there's nothing wrong down there psychically but my mind just doesn't find it interesting.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (22 July 2011):
Two questions for you:
How many have you had sex with?
Was the sex bad?
I figure.. you're either asexual, or you just had a lousy first time experience. Sex is great. There's no way you had great sex and still want to go without it. So either you're asexual (not into sexual relationships at all) or you had a lousy time with your first partner.
To make sure, it's be best to have a second try at it with someone else who's worthwhile. Not a one nighter, but someone great that you are head over heels in love with.
Why would you want a relationship without sex? Wouldn't it be easier to have a few more friends and a dog then?
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (22 July 2011):
Well, I would have to say that it is rather not normal especially for someone your age. And to be honest, it would be hard if not impossible to have an ongoing relationship with someone without sex becoming an issue unless you happen to find someone who feels the same as you do. I would say at least go to the doctor and let them know whats going on with you. It may be a temporary phase you are going through or maybe could be something a little more deep down thats bothering you that has you feeling this way. Just know, however, that it is something I have heard about before so there are others out there like yourself.
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