A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid!I am a 16 year old girl and I'm having a massive dilemma:I seem to be attracted to men much older than me....not just attracted actually, I'd say I am almost obsessed! I fantasise about my maths teacher, my english teacher, my guidance teacher and my french teacher!!Is this normal? These men are all in their thirties....basically, I think that I have gone off guys who are my age because of some bad experiences I have had, usually with the guy being unnaturally immature and hurtful.But I don't want to be obsessed with older men, it's not fair on them or healthy for me....Any advice?cheers
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2005): im 14 and totally going through the same phase. i know nothing can or will ever happen but what's the harm in fantasising. im just hoping that this teachers son is just like him!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): Don't worry about it, it's normal, for girls and boys! When I was your age I had a real infatuation with a friend of my mother's who was about 35 at the time... now I find it hilarious to think about it... she's got to be 50 odd and I can't imagine what I was thinking at the time :) My neice is currently going through the same as you and I'll advise you what my wife and I have advised her. You'll probably think what I'm about to say is rubbish, but one day soon you'll meet someone close to your own age you really like and the 'teacher crush phase' will all be over... at least that's how it worked with me.
As people have said here, don't try to make a relationship with one of these men, it would be WRONG and cruel, you can't have a long term relationship with one of them, and he would only end up getting in trouble because of it. My wife and I have quite a big age difference (she is a bit younger than me), on a maturity level we meet in the middle, but we are both a lot older than you, the same kind of age difference doesn't work when you are teenagers because people are growing up so fast at that age. Maybe you should try dating boys a year or two older than yourself if you feel comfortable about it, but don't rule out boys of the same age just because some seem immature, not everyone matures at the same rate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): Dear annomys
Even though i am male i have had females around me all my life and it is normal for teenagers to fantasise about older men ( or women) And if by the time you are 17-18 and you realise you have not got over it who gives a damn lifes to short to worry about small things like that!
Lots of love pope
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A
female
reader, Kay-the-Cloud +, writes (19 October 2005):
I remember when I went through that. I could never concerntrate in class. It felt as if I was in love with them but it wore off after a while. It's natural so don't worry.
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (19 October 2005):
 What you are experiencing is normal so please don't worry too much about it. You are finding yourself with crushes on older men because they are more mature and therefore more attractive to you. You are also maturing yourself and it is natural to speculate about the opposite sex whatever their age. Bad experiences with boys your own age will contribute to this. I think you are finding that older men are much mroe respectful and considerate mostly because they have more understanding and knowledge than their younger counterparts.
It is okay to have dreams and crushes on older men, namely your teachers. It is only when you attempt to do something about it could problems occur. I'm sure you are aware of this in terms of their roles and such like. Don't consider attemtpting to have a relationship with one of them as it would end in tears because of their position of authority amongst other things to do with your age, etc.
The best thing to do is to accept that for the moment you do feel this way but don't totally discount the idea of falling for a guy your own age. They aren't all silly and immature. Just keep your options open and socialise with your friends and get out and about as you never know who you might meet!
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