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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I'm 16 years old and my boyfriend is turning 19. It's his birthday in one week and we've decided to take our relationship to the 3rd level. We've been going out for about 3 months and I love him so much I would risk my life for his without even a second thought. But my problem is, I can't seem to...give him head or let him do anything to me. It makes me nauseous just thinking about it. I don't know what to do. Please help me. =/ Reply to this Question
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female
reader, centaur_girl +, writes (21 October 2005):
If you LIKE him that much, and you say he LIKES you then I think if you tell him how you feel he will understand. You are only 16, you are too young, you have your whole life to learn what true love is and when you find someone you love truly, you will feel ready. If he doesn't understand your feelings, he isn't worth it.
One day you will find someone who you trust yourself with enough to take it to the next level in your relationships.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (19 October 2005):
 I know that you want very much to please your boyfriend, but for the sake of your own peace of mind, don't rush things and do anything that you're not completely comfortable with. Even if that means he might be a little disappointed because sex gets put on the back burner. If he loves you as much as you do him, he won't want any sort of sexual activity that doesn't thrill you as much as he's thrilled.
Your discomfort with the idea of about giving him oral sex or participating in any other sexual activities is a very clear sign that you're NOT ready. Therefore, you shouldn't do it, because it will just be unpleasant for you and ultimately unrewarding for him.
In the near future, you should begin to trust your boyfriend and to find him sexually attractive. When you *can't wait* to have sex with him - and when there's no need to persuade you - that's when you should start considering "doing things" with him.
Feeling "nauseous" at the idea of sex with someone you love isn't very common. It suggests that there are some emotional associations that you have in your head, possibly as the result of abuse or a bad experience. You might want to try discussing this with someone professional, like a school counsellor, and to try to explore what, if any, 'baggage' you have connected to sex.
I urge you to re-think your self-imposed birthday deadline. There's no reason for you to feel compelled to have sex with your boyfriend if you're not ready to, birthday or not. In fact, if you're not keen on it, you'll find the whole thing a big bore and a letdown.
You need to concentrate on finding out what about sexual activity is frightening you so much that you feel sick. That's a much more important goal.
Be a friend to yourself before you worry about your boyfriend.
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