A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years we were friends with benefits prior to this for 2 years. In the beginning sex was great and frequent and lately has gone to maybe only once a week and has caused some problems in our relationship. Yes I am the one that wants it more and she seems to want it less. She started a new job the is very stressful and at times long hours. She will text me while at work to tell and promise that she wants to have sex that night or at least give me a blowjob. More often than not when we go to bed it doesn't happen and she either doesn't feel well or is tired. Our work weeks are busy and we both have children from previous marriages. My question is it normal for sex to drop off in a long term relationship or has she lost interest in me over time. I know we both love each other but at times I find my self thinking is the relationship fading or is their someone else that is catching her attention.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2017): I take it your young ( 20ish or something) my husband and I still have good sex in our 50s a little secret ? Exsplore your sexual time
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2017):
 It can be normal yes. But if you are feeling unloved and neglected then talk to her about how you feel. Maybe you can both make more off an effort. Get a babysitter, go on dates, romantic dinners, candle lit glasses of wine in the house. Whatever works for you both. My guess is you have both just followed in to a rut.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (27 September 2017):
 More often than not, yes it is normal.
Her excuses seem legit because work can take a lot out of a person and when it's finally 'we' time or 'me' time then you hardly have the energy to even do anything anyway.
I say, try to get her to relax and ease her in to it. Rub her feet or run her a bubble bath and make her some dinner as if to say "I know that you need a break and I get it. I appreciate all that you do." Sometimes a little romance is what saves the day.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2017): On everything under the sun, the "novelty-factor" wears-off. You get used to things; and the appeal of "newness" becomes "familiarity." Not only that; but most of the thrill of a new relationship is getting to know each other. Once you're familiar, things level-off into normalcy and routine.
From kids, we tire of the new toy two days after it was received. Technology is designed to be habitual; so novelty doesn't wear-off so soon. Research-psychologist have learned to manipulate human-nature. You become addicted. When the model becomes obsolete; you'll buy a new one to feed the addiction. You also become addicted to being a consumer. So people get caught-up in their devices; and neglect to work on their human interaction and communication-skills. Thereby becoming less adept at physically and emotionally connecting with their mates. Their love-making technique is clumsy; and more self-serving than "servicing" to their partner. All they know is when they feel a twinge in their genitals; they want to scratch that itch and get-off.
Have I lost you? Keep reading. If you don't; someone else will get what I'm trying to teach you here.
You can also become addicted to sex; because you're constantly reminded or predisposed. Subliminal-messages or blatant cues from TV commercials, porn, sexually-explicit magazine ads, and billboards keep people with high sex-drives super-charged. If their mates are less conditioned and exposed; they can't keep up with the demand. If she knows sexual-arousal comes from any other source but her; your touch disgusts her. If she finds your porn sites on your device; she feels she isn't enough. It's insulting, humiliating, and disheartening.
Now from a less dramatic angle. It's not a sign of having less attraction to each other; nor does it mean true-love isn't there. Sometimes it means things are...normal!
Now the challenge begins in trying to keep things fresh and exciting. Because younger-generations have been conditioned and highly-influenced by the media and advertising-industry. Everyone expects everything to retain it's ability to keep giving the same dopamine-surge you get when something is new and unfamiliar. Like a new iPhone or fancy techno-gadget. They want the same feeling coming from people! People change. We age, we are mentally-affected by our environment, and the emotional-events that occur in our lives. We're not all affected the same. Some people live in their heads and their minds are constantly crowded with junk that slows their external-functions and reactions to even good stimuli.
You're making-love, while she's visualizing the last time you checked-out another female's cute ass or boobs.
Oh ye of over-developed senses of entitlement! It can't feel like Christmas morning and your birthday everyday. Things start to feel normal, or decline. People get tired of each other. People can't help being human. So we have to work on relationships. When we don't get what we want; we have to ask what we need to do, or to change, to get it.
If you do it, but nothing changes. They lied! You're wasting your time, and they're hiding the truth. Ask them again!
Here is a list of things that will slow-down sex in a long-term relationship:
Work-stress, exhaustion, lowered libido due to poor diet and lack of exercise, weight-gain, rapid weight-loss, side-effects from medication, bad-breath, body-odor, mental recall of mean things said in the latest arguments, no affection apart from sex, lack of foreplay, little to no pleasure-response to sexual-stimuli, a drop in testosterone-level, a drop in estrogen-level, post-childbirth hormones, unsightly wrinkles/dimples/cellulite, back-hair, smelly genitals, thin walls with kids or in-laws in the next room, and aging. You have to go down the list and fix what you can; or adapt to what can't be changed. Your love-life requires maintenance too! You have to be creative and unpredictable. Even caring!!! Hope you know what that is.
You have to work constantly at keeping your sex-life alive. It has to be a mutual-collaboration. Not just the one wanting sex, but should include the one who wants it less.
An uncooperative lover is just as selfish as the lover being deprived. If you know your man needs and desires you, but you reject him. Shame on you. You're going be a trade-in, and the next model is going to put you to even more shame!
If you're a guy with lousy technique; just imaging someone slobbering and sweating all over you, and done in 3-minutes tops! It doesn't make you hunger for more. If you don't show affection or give hugs. Get a blow-up doll. Humans require touch and affection. You're too stupid for words! Speaking generally, not directed at you personally.
If you see your partner starving for affection, and you don't really care; or you're too stupid to notice. Don't be surprised when they don't really care about you. You'll be spending more and more time alone. You'll grow apart, have less to say to each other, and you will eventually get dumped; to spend your final-days feeling alone and sorry for yourself. You can find somebody else. Treat them the same, and they'll dump you too!
I'm sometimes tired from a vigorous and stressful week. I workout regularly and I try to get as much sleep as possible. From reading and responding to these posts; I've become more aware and considerate of my partner's needs. I've never been one to shy away from expressing myself and what I need from my partner. My relationships last a long time; because I had good parents to set the example. I practice what I preach in these responses; because I learn from what other people fail to do. That's what makes me wise.
If you never tell her she's pretty, never make a fuss when she sports her new hairdo or outfit, give a lack-luster response when she has spent her whole day trying to look her best and be your arm-candy, when you turnover and snore after sex, you never do anything special to get her off; and you never remember special occasions, or buy her flowers for no reason. You'll be as undesirable as a big pimple on her forehead, or varicose veins.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2017): The ladies here have hit the nail on the head. We women are used to men wanting us for sex. Most men make it clear that that's what they want from us from we're about 13 years old. Many make it clear that's all they think women are useful for to be frank.The reason we marry and settle down with a man is, amongst other things of course, but a large part of it is that we feel he views us as more than a means to quench his sexual thirst. He sees the full picture and makes us feel like a whole person that is more than just tits and ass. Yet often in long term relationships that dynamic changes and we start to feel that pressure to provide sex again. Talk of love and attraction changes to talk of his sexual needs and complaints that we are not keeping him satisfied. And let me tell you this. There is no greater libido killer than obligation.So yes. Talk to your girlfriend but not just about what you feel you're not getting. Keep making her feel special. Keep viewing her as the whole package you settled down with rather than a means to achieve orgasm. And finally, I'll caveat this by saying that I understand the saying that men need sex to feel love, so I know it's not just a physical thing for you. Yet as a woman, although I know that logically, I find it hard to comprehend as it is also men that have been doing their damndest to get into my pants for NSA sex for the last 15 years with no love in mind. So it's sometimes hard to get my head around that concept try as I might...
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (26 September 2017):
I couldn't agree more with Honeypie. While a drop in sex is normal in all relationships to a certain degree, in my experience problems begin when the focus changes from 'I really want you' to 'I really want sex'. If you can try to spark more desire in her rather than obligation (which she will feel if you start complaining about 'needing' more sex than what you are getting) then you'll have much more success with keeping your sex life on track. And also - talk. Tell her you miss her, you miss being close to her and intimate with her. Then she'll know it's HER you want, not just an orgasm because you're horny.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 September 2017):
 Yes, it's normal.
It's also normal for women to "lose" their libido when they feel pressured to perform sexual acts with their partner.
And it's also normal for the libido to drop if the sex is kind of one-sided or mediocre (not saying yours is but those are facts, crappy sex = lower or lost libido).
Not feeling appreciated or LOVED, WANTED, DESIRED is another reason libido can drop.
Work stress can also drop it all together. It can be rather straining physically and emotionally to work long hours. Often more so for a woman, as she will constantly be questioned as to WHY she isn't spending more time with her family or simply feeling guilty for NOT being around as much as she thinks she should.
Maybe you should DROP the sex talk for a while and WOO her instead. If she is really tired one night, give her a GOOD foot rub and send her to bed. Draw her a hot bath with bubbles and a glass of wine. DO NOT expect she will "pay" for the deed with sex later. Make her feel special.
And TALK to her about the lack of intimacy, without whining about YOU not getting enough sex.
Now, this might all sound like it's ALL your fault (as the man) but it takes two to make a sex-life/relationship good and to NOT make it good. I'm sure she is less concerned with your needs these days now that she "got" you to stick around. Unfortunately, that IS a ploy many women use. There is a LOT of sex, in the beginning, to get the guy to think he just hit the jackpot on all fronts and when the relationship is more secure they dial the sex WAYYYYY down. To their own libido level.
TRy and DO things WITH her - like have a weekly or bi-weekly date night. Rekindle that initial attraction thing that got you started as FWB.
And TRY not to pester her for sex. It's such a huge turn-off. Personally, I'd try 30 days of no sex, no talking sex... nada. Just little backrubs here, a kiss there, pat on the ass, cuddle on the sofa watching a movie... And then pull back. LET her initiate.
Make her feel DESIRED, not make her feel like "I expect sex and not much else from you".
TRY it. And if it doesn't work, sit her down and talk.
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