A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How much power do our ex's have over us?Is it normal for your ex to hold power over you still, and what would you constitute as positive power or negative power? (if there is such a thing).For example, would you take it as a good sign if the thought of your ex leaving and taking the kids made you angry and irrational and that this is a sign that you should fix the relationship or that the ex has a negative type of power over you.Sorry if this is a weird question, i quess what im trying to ask is it normal for our ex's to have power over us still, and because they do have power over us is that a sign we should be with them still? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 November 2011):
 Is having power over someone a sign that you ought to be together? No. Abusive husbands have a power over their wives and that certainly isn't a sign they ought to be together.
This power you refer to is simply caring what the other thinks, which is not necessarily motivated by love. In the case of an ex it is often outrage that someone got the better of them, took advantage of them in some way and the desire to re-establish pecking order or right some wrong before moving on.
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (17 November 2011):
 It's a sign that you are not over your ex - nothing else. The idea of " he has power over me, therefore we should be together" is logically flawed. That's like saying " this man has the physical strength to punch me in the face and knock me out, so I should let him punch me." Same logic albeit a different circumstance.Listen, people will always have memories and some sort of positive memories attached to the other person, no matter how shitty the person or your history with them. If you still have feelings for your ex and he can spin you whichever direction, it's NOT a sign for you to be together. It's a sign that you're weak-willed and that you're allowing your emotions to control your life in an unhealthy, unwise way. No one has the power to control how you think or act. They can try to persuade and threaten the outcome, but ultimately, YOU choose to act on your own free will.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 November 2011):
If an ex had power over me, I'd know that the relationship was massively flawed from the start. No partner should have power in any way over you. Ever. A healthy relationship is based upon mutual love, respect, trust. It's in no way based upon power. An ex having power means that it was a bad relationship, and means that you should never have been in that relationship.
Never, ever will an ex have any power over me. I won't allow it, and even if I did feel that way, I'd be working on myself to ensure that the ex lost that power.
And it's never a good sign that an ex has power. It's a bad sign and means that you need to walk away from the ex.
So, to answer your question, an ex having power means you should NEVER go back.
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