A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:More often than not relationships dont seem to end because the person stops loving you, but because of other factors. what makes people keep flogging dead relationship because there is love there still. what makes some people recognise that yes they love that person, but they cant live/be with them. And what makes other people hold on until there is nothing left to hold on to. Is it better to leave a relationship with love in your heart still or feeling nothing at all!And even if you both still are in love with each other how to you recognsie that its better to walk away because you cannot get over all the hurt you have caused each other? Because can we truely forgot the pain our significant other has caused us and be happy again, when we have to see the cracks in the relationship, or do these cracks just disappear. for example, lying and cheating and abuse etc. And because of all the hurt you caused Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): If someone is always betraying,hurting you,lying,has a secret life or has no thought for your feelings then no matter how much you love,you are better off out of it. I dont know if i have answered right as its hard to understand what you are really asking.
A
female
reader, malonso  +, writes (17 November 2011):
I ask myself the same question. I think its better to walk away empty but in the proccess you will keep hurting to see the love die every day.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 November 2011):
 Better to leave with love still in your heart, but it is harder. It is by far easier to leave someone you can't stand or hate the guts of. But if you leave when there is still love you can hope for a civil break-up, and even if you don't become friends you can at least be civil with each other afterwards. If you end up having no feelings left at all, well then you become indifferent pretty fast and wont care for the other, there will be no communication. If you end up hating each other then there might be a warfare of a break-up, which can result in very painful episodes, all from hate-mail to stealing/destruction of objects, to threats etc. or just plain being difficult and trying to make life miserable for the other.
The pain you caused doesn't disappear. However I think it is a romantic ideal to think a relationship should be fail-free and perfected. There comes a point where too much is too much, and you need to decide for yourself if you can forgive and forget. Things take time. But just because there are some cracks doesn't mean it will all fall apart. It depends on whether or not you fixed it afterwards and repaired it. People who go through hardships together can experience either growing stronger from it, or getting weaker. It depends on how you deal with the difficulties, and if they bring you closer or further apart.
You know the answers in your heart, when you listen to yourself and ask yourself these questions. Often, if you come to the point where you have to ask if it is worth it, then it isn't worth it any longer. And from there on it is just a matter of building up the courage to do the right thing and leave.
There are other circumstances that would make you stay despite it not being a good relationship, for example if there are children or you are married, or there are other commitments that needs to be honored. Nothing is black and white, you need to weigh in pro's and con's and look at the big picture of things.
But I often find that, if you are at a point where you sacrifice your happiness and your needs, then it has gone too far.
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