A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for men to think about sex with ex girlfriends whilst wanking? I know this sounds like a silly question, and Godknows how we got into the conversation, but my boyfriend told me that when he wanks he thinks about ex girlfriends sometimes, and the sex he's had with them. It hurt me to hear this, and I told him I didn't want to know. I haven't been with anyone else he's my first boyfriend and sexual partner, so I wouldn't know if it was normal to think about ex boyfriends. But it upset me and I started thinking, well if I had been with other people sexually, and I broke up with them and got in a relationship with someone else, and I was over my ex, I can't think why on earth i'd want to, or for it to enter my mind about sex with the ex, especially not whilst masterbating. I find that a little odd and disrespectful and i'm worried as to why my boyfriend would think of these things let alone tell me about it! I'm 20 and he's 31 so he's had numerous other sexual partners being older than me. I was just curious as to whether other men do this, i'd be greatful of some honest answers and opinions if anyone has any please, thanks.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 June 2010):
 I think it could be common, but the wise thing would be to never tell anyone! I personally never masturbated to an ex, but I wouldn't be surprised if some people did. Im just surprised he would tell you. He is too honest, he needs to learn what is appropriate and what is just outright hurtful. Things that he says that will only lead to hurting you he shouldn't say. And if he knows the things he does will hurt you he should have the insight to stop doing these things. His lack of this insight is what surprises me.Just tell him that it was hurtful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2010): i just asked my fiance if he ever thinks of his exs. His answer was 'hell no, i dont like thinkin of them in normal situations let alone sexually' i guess each to their own? I dont think of my exs either (cant even remember sexual times with them) my guy watches short porn videos if he wants to get off. We have a great sex life but sometimes when im out he'd do it himself. Would you feel more comfortable with that idea? Some women think thats worse, personally id rather him fantasize about women he'll never meet then those he's had sex with
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (26 June 2010):
 Well I was amazed to read that he's 31! I was gonna say that he's acting in the most immature way imaginable - not to mention thoughtless and disrespectful. If he was in his teens, I could understand it more - but he's not. Your guy has a problem and my advice is to drop him as his problem definitely strikes me as weird. Anyway, if he's got you, why does he need to wank anyway??? Very odd.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, maxxie  +, writes (26 June 2010):
 its normal and women do this too, heck i will think of my exes, tom cruise, gael garcia bernal and even girls!! its just a fantasy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): It is common enough, yeah. That said, it was a tad forward of him to tell you about it. Most guys wouldn't be too keen on telling their girls they think about their exes while jerking off. Still, at least it means he's honest. All in all, I wouldn't worry too much about it though. Some guys are just very horny and the exes are obviously people they found/find attractive and had intimate experiences with. Don't let that interfere with your relationship. It really is just fantasy and people need a little variety - so long as it's only fantasy and not real cheating.
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