A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for guys to switch from being hot to cold?My bf and I who are both in our mid 20s, have been together for almost a year. Throughout our whole relationship I have felt like I am walking on egg shells. If I show him affection and tell him I love him etc, and show my excitement to see him and so on and basically just be a good and caring gf, then he emotionally withdraws from me. I ask him if hes ok and he denies there is any problem. So as a result, I feel rejected and like he doesnt want me to act like that, so I withdraw and stop behaving like that. As soon as I withdraw, he then starts being all over me like a rash to an excessive point. Its like he goes crazy about me and cant have enough of me. When this happens, I think great, he still does love me, and I show him my love back because I enjoy showing him how I care and love him...and then so the cycle continues...he withdraws from me again. I dont get it. Does anyone else understand? This has been going on throughout our whole relationship.The other thing that happens that is similar is that when he is withdrawing from me, he gives me little attention, but if he sees another guy even just innocently talking to me about work, he suddenly is doing anything and everything to get my attention, but as soon as that guy backs off, my bf withdraws from me again.This is quite hurtful because I feel like I never know if he is going to be there for me or not.
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male
reader, Male20  +, writes (8 December 2009):
well i wouldnt particularly withdrawn myself if a female was giving me attention however i wouldnt go over board in reciprocating the same behaviour.
I think this hot cold malarkly could be due to you both having issues you should discuss. Have you mentioned it to him and told him that sometimes you dont know where you stand because of his behaviour? and see how he reacts and what response he gives you.
He may have some jelous and insecure tendencies because it seems that when you are giving him all the attention he feels reassured therefore can relax and not feel like he needs to 'try so hard' to tell you the same things. Then however when you withdrawn yourself it drags him out of his comfort zone and he makes the effort to get himself back into that comfort zone by demonstrating more loving behaviour to gain the attention from you so he can relax again!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): in my opinion most men are like that. I have had 2 bfs in my life and both of them were same. I know how hard it is specially when sometimes we girl want a lil bit of attention. I don't really know what to advice you, i did try alking to my bf but nothing changed. I don't know if there's a solution to that.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 December 2009):
Some men do get a little withdrawn because they're not sure how to handle female emotions. But what worries me is that when another guy starts to talking to you, he makes the effort, then when you're alone, he doesn't. I'll be honest, this sounds very controlling. It sounds to me like he wants you running around after him, then when you don't, he makes a quick play to get you running around again. The answer is no, he won't be there when you need him most. I'm not sure he's worth the bother, and I think you can find a guy who will respond more to you elsewhere.
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