A
male
age
41-50,
*ax11883
writes:I have been with my gf 5 years now and over that time things have never been smooth sailing but lately and this is something I feel guilty about my eyes have begun to wonder i would love to say I would never cheat and I am 99% sure I wouldn't but I find myself noticing much much more than just the regular things guys notice and with that come the thoughts and arousal, what's makes it a worse is that for work I have to be friendly and chatty with people and that stirs up more thoughts when I think that girl was really nice or funny or whateverather. Me and my gf don't really click or have much in common but we agree that if we love each other and work at it things will get better but we have never really had a sex life together and it's never easy between us. I just need some advice and wonder if this is normal for people in long term relationships
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 July 2017):
 I do think it is normal to look and even let your imagination run a bit wild. But from what you have wrote you are not happy in your relationship, so why be with her? If it's so difficult then it shouldn't be right for you both. Surely you want to be happy. At the moment I am with my partner for five years getting married in three weeks and ok I might look but that is all, I would never ever cheat, I am happy and sexually things are good. So it seems it might not be working for you and you have just settled
A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (11 July 2017):
 Your eyes are bound to wander if you have no sex life and have little in common. This is not the basis for a long term relationship. It sounds like it is time for you to go your separate ways, you only live once!
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (9 July 2017):
 90% of men and women window shop and the other 5% are liars, but very few shoplift, But that is not the QUESTION here as you say your in a relationship where and I quote " me and my gf don't really click or have much in common " you then go on to say you don't have much of a sex life, that part would be ok if you are bought happy with your sex life but not having much in common what do you get out of this what keeps you together what makes this a relationship ???????
Sorry I think your starting to wake up and see that your living with a mother figure and starting to see girls for the first time ever, It is time, to be honest to yourself.
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A
female
reader, This_is_not_a_dress_rehearsal  +, writes (9 July 2017):
 And you are staying in a relationship with her becauuuuussee why? Long distance -- no sex -- rockie -- never easy -- don't click It's over you just need to call the funeral home to hold the service
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2017): If you don't really click or have much in-common, what exactly is your relationship based upon? If things haven't run smoothly after five long years (there goes that magical number between 3-5 years!) what's it all leading-up to?
There comes a point when at least one person in a long-term relationship begins to wonder what's it all for, and what's the next step? Usually, a woman thinks about marriage and kids. Rarely are women content with just playing wife and/or mother of a guy's kids; but not actually becoming legit. They do wonder when you'll put a ring on it? Their mothers usually prod and poke at them about it.
You are basically saying you're growing weary and bored; but trying not to come-off like the stereotypical-male dick. Those guys who feel trapped in a relationship he can't figure-out how to get out of. He wants to make a clean-break without all the drama and crazy emotions. They always say they "love" their woman; but not enough to marry her!
After five-years, your finances are intertwined, you're a little co-dependent; and you know she will give you absolute hell, if you start even hinting about a breakup. You also run a video in your head of how she gets emotional, and even vicious, when you piss her off. So you remain complacent.
You sound like a man on the brink of cheating. Keep your eyes in their sockets and your dick behind your zipper.
Now here's some words of wisdom. This is what a good father would normally advise his son; and might suggest to get him thinking about where his relationship is going. After 5 years!
If your partner is constantly at odds, could it be she's wondering when the hell you plan to propose? Does she notice you gawking at other females? Is she just tired of you being around, but showing no intention of moving to the next step? Do you have any kids? Are you planning them out of wedlock? Is she quickly approaching 40, and all her friends and sisters are married?
Then why the hell are you holding her back, if it's not what you want with her?
What are you working at precisely? Just trying to get along?!! You already hinted that you're becoming incompatible. Other women are invading your thoughts. If you've got to force it to work; then it ain't working brother! Nobody's changing.
Dude, I'm sorry; but you are longing to be single. Love doesn't just fade in and out like a dying florescent bulb. It's constant; only the challenges come and go. You weather the storm, because you want it to work so bad. You hang on, because you place so much value in your relationship. You know that it's worth it. You move it to the next level.
How people feel about each other is usually the stabilizer that minimizes disagreements, and gets you over the rough spots. Relationships either evolve, or they die.
I think you both are weary of the relationship, and YOU don't want to admit you really feel like getting out of this drudgery of a relationship. You crave sex with some random female. Just for something different. Tired of the same old vagina. Looking is becoming starring; which is becoming an involuntary-reflex. Not just because they've crossed your line of vision. You get aroused. Yes it happens, but it subsides once the vision passes. If it lingers, you're in trouble.
Long-term relationships have to lead somewhere, or somebody usually gives-up on it. You don't become numb and asexual, but you don't dwell on thoughts about other people; if you're truly committed and in-love with whom you already have. I had a successful relationship lasting 28 years. My partner died of cancer. I am human, I see and feel things; but "incompatibility" was never one of our issues. That will ignite cravings for infidelity. You tire of her mess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2017): I completely agree with Youcannotbeserious. Why on earth would you stay with someone with whom you don't click, have much in common and no sex life? It's been five years! Do you really think it's going to get better?
It's already getting worse since you are noticing other women and I say for good reason. You say if someone is chatty and friendly it stirs up thoughts. That should tell you that you're not just missing the lack of sex in your life. This indicates how much you're also missing the easy verbal interaction with your partner.
It's time for you and she to come to an understanding that you aren't meant for each other. Don't waste any more time on a relationship that isn't going anywhere and will eventually cause bitterness and regret for both of you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (8 July 2017):
 WHEN do you anticipate things between you and your girlfriend will "get better"? You have been together FIVE YEARS. How much longer are you going to wait? Why have you never had a sex life together? Does one of you have a problem with sex?
To answer your question, NO, this is NOT normal, especially as you say you "don't really click or have much in common". WHY are you still together?
In our shoes I would have called it a day with this relationship a long time ago and freed myself up to meet someone I DID click with and who I could have a full relationship with. Do you want to be in this position in another five years' time - or even longer?
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