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female
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anonymous
writes: Is it normal for guys to stare at girls while out with their fiancees? I understand that looking or glancing at someone of the opposite sex once in a while is natural, but my fiance just stares at girl for more than a few seconds while he is right next to me! It makes me feel really bad. I told him that he should try not to do that because it hurts me and he said he would try but that all guys do it, and I'm just making a big deal out of something small. What do you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): Yes it is normal but i hate it. My husband gets caught doing that too and i point it out to him right away. Oh i dont keep my mouth shut but it tends to cause problems, especially when you catch him looking at your sister in laws' boobs. Ahhhhh!!! Very upsetting. My opinion is not to let it build up inside you and point it out to him when something is bothering you. Let him know!! He will either ignore what you are saying or truly appreciate it and learn from it. Good luck!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): My husband does it too. He seems to look at everything and everyone. He is so very interested in seeing what's out there, what people are wearing, why someone looks weird, because someone is fat....but it especially makes me upset when he looks at other women that I think are good looking -it's just disrespectful. I think it's disrespectful to be checking everyone out for either their flaws or because they look good....why is it so important? Is he so superficial it really matters what someone looks like? Then I begin to feel insecure, as if he's trying to find flaws about me. He points out when one peice of hair is out of place. Is he comparing me to other people?
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female
reader, Uwera  +, writes (28 August 2007):
No! Its very rude and disrespectful, if a guy truly likes you then his going to want to avoid doing things that hurt you? your fiance is riding on the excuse that his mates do it! That does not justify his actions. His YOUR fiance, not the NATIONS'FIANCE! claim your man girl...lol
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Honestly, I dont put up with it. It just human nature. To me it just will happen so I dont bother getting annoyed about it. I have looked sometimes stared at men when I was with my partner and vise versa. If your comfortable with yourself and comfortable in a relationship with your partner this shouldn't be a problem. Infact in my relationship this has been the way and I have managed to just talk to him about what it was he saw that was attractive. I find myself agreeing on some points like her hair was nice or she had a nice leg or a very full chest normally all of which i end up saying "I wish I had legs like her" or something and him just saying he wouldn't change me. Great ego bust and I get a cuddle and a kiss and I feel generally good about myself.Not once have I ever been made to feel unattractive by that. Not once have I been made to feel undesired by my partner. If he ever felt like I was feeling that way (does happen) he makes up for it like a nice dinner or he cooks dinner and a whole night focused on me (did happen). I know flat out that he loves and desires only to be with me. Its very nieve to think that I am the only one he will find physically attractive though. I know I am physically attracted to older men with nice bodies, but I know if I see one I wont automatically jump into bed with one. I dont know him, I dont know what his personality is like. Looks are superficial and true partnership is based on personality and honesty. The ablity to be open and confident.I think people with low self esteam and from a few posts made here, easily made jealous. If a man has never done it around you and your sure well than fine. Cudos to those guys, but I can bet that if you ever did catch them you would bite their heads off for it and they will never be able to feel comfortable to talk to you. I have seen this flaw with my cousin. Oh my word is that just a disaster waiting to happen when she even thinks her man is looking at another girl and that is so unhealthy. She has a very low self esteam and easily made to feel unattractive. so this inturn causes her to project at her boyfriend and then starts to accuse him of things in my opinion are uncalled for because she is seeing things that are not there. Like he doesn't love her, that he doesn't think she is pretty, that he is thinking about cheating or is cheating on her and at the end of this outburst you see a man totally confused and defending himself from her accusations. He then cant tell her anything cause he feels she will fly off the handle and that just leads her to think he is hiding things or cheating. Relationship ends.I am open with my partner and he is open with me and that is what makes our relationships last because he is able to talk to me and know i am not going to get upset and its petty little things, like them looking, are so minor they dont even make a blip on my radar. I dont have to put up with it because I just know all humans do it consciously or unconsciously.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): That's not true. Not all guys do that. In fact, in my experience, when a guy is inlove with me he actually tries extra hard not to do that. Sure they'll look but you will never catch them. I actually had a bf who started doing that after having been together for about a year and a half. He had never done it before. But then we would go out and he started being very obvious about staring at other girls. It got so bad that I stopped wanting to go out with him because it hurt me so badly and I just wanted to be happy. Shortly after that he broke up with me. I guess he just hadn't been in love with me anymore for a while. His staring at other girls was a sign, I guess. And to be honest, being broken up, as much as it hurt, it actually hurt a million times less than what it felt like when he would stare at other girls while I was still his girlfriend. Look I don't know why your bf is doing this or if he has always been this way, but the bottom line is that it is disrespectful. And you deserve someone who respects you and your feelings. So you tell him that it hurts you. and to please stop. And drop it, don't say anything more. Your happiness comes first. And if he loves you it should come first to him too. And if he doesn't change then leave him until he has learned his lesson.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): The issue is not that he looks, it is that he STARES for a few seconds while his fiancee is right next to him and she has told him to stop and he refuses! I can't believe other women are telling you that this is acceptable! What women will put up with these days.. As you have said,it's normal for men to glance at an attractive woman, but it is disrespectful for him to full on stare for a while when you're right there. I am sure it makes you feel so small and unattractive when he does this and since he knows that you hate it, this is not right. Don't put up with it. Next time he does it, embarass the heck out of him. Say loudly so the other woman can hear "you might want to keep your eyes to yourself and off of that woman's ass" Yes, you may feel uncomfortable but it will be so worth it to make him feel bad. And it should help him to stop doing this in your presence.
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Most men look. They're better about hiding it, though. And I can't imagine that the objects of his stares feel good about it either. Don't worry that he looks; just tell him that being so obvious about it is disrespectful to you (and to the latest "her"). And don't feel that he's comparing the two of you; it's unlikely.
I would start teasing him (laughing at him good-naturedly) when you catch him at it. Maybe pretend to pick his jaw off the table and give it back to him, or help him put his eyes back into his head. Make sure you're keeping it light when you do it, not starting a fight. Smile and say "caught you" and make a joke of it. If you do this every time, I bet he gets better at hiding it...
My husband did that to me once. We were walking downtown and there was a tan construction worker in shorts and no shirt up a ladder. I looked up, my eyes went wide, and I quickly looked back down, but my husband saw. He started teasing me in a friendly way and we were laughing about it. Very fun. I've done the same thing to him.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): Hi Love,
Most men do look love, We can all go out and see an attractive person just as others go out and look at us in the same way. Yes I understand it can make you feel unsure of yourself if he does this to often in front of you, But dont be, As while you are worried about him looking at someone else, Someone else is probably looking at you...
Feel strong and comfortable in yourself hunny...
And dont forget there is eye candy for you out there to, You cant change another person but you can change the way you deal with it, He knows you get upset about this you have said your bit.. I wouldnt pay much attention to it anymore as sometimes it makes the very thing you dont want to happen, happen more... Unless it gets out of hand and its done deliberatly to get to you thats different, but from your question he seems to do it as he feels its the norm, Always remember beauty lies within as well as the outside, And never let something like this get you down as it can take over your thoughts and make you feel very negative, You are beautiful love and there are probably loads of men doing the same to you when you go out, You dont notice as you are just worried as to where your fellas eyes are wandering... Have a drink chill out and check out the talent as well next time :) TAKE CARE HUN LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Apparently most guys do it. I havent experienced it a lot, only with younger guys. Its rude in my opinion though.
Its embarrassing for us too. Women can be very catty to other women, and that just adds more fuel to their fire at times.
C xxxxx
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Sadly most men do this and most of the time they do it sub-conciously.
It is not right and it feels so very wrong to us but I have learnt that they do it and that is that.
Do tell him he is doing it and do ask him to stop, this way he knows you are unhappy with this behaviour but get used to it as he wont stop but it feels good to try and make him address this naughty behaviour.
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female
reader, ilikenight +, writes (27 August 2007):
 No, not all guys do it. I have never dated a guy who did that! That is extremely rude and I believe that is a sign that he can't be trusted if he can't even stop his drooling over other women when you're standing right next to him. And he acts like it's normal and that you're the one with the problem? He's also playing mind games with you to make you feel like you're over reacting. If he really loved you, he shouldn't feel the need to stare at other women, and he really shouldn't do it when you're with him, and he knows you don't like it. What a jerk!! I would not marry this person, I'm sorry to say.
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin +, writes (27 August 2007):
Unfortunately all men do it. They cant stop it even if they wanted to. It is a natural thing that happens and we as women just have to accept it rather then get hurt by it.
They dont mean to hurt us but just like anyone anything that is attractive will catch our attentions. It doesnæt, however, mean that they think less of their partner.
You have to remind yourself that he is with you. He has chosen to be with you out of all the woman he has known in his life. Dont be hurt let him look and just accept human nature.
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