A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Just a simple question before i freak out pleaasseee... Is it normal that the husband watch porn??? And trying to hide it from me! What is it all about? Should i react? Should i get mad? Should i confront him? What is it? Should i get jealous?? What is that mean to the wife??? pleaseee i need an answer.... Thank you so much.. Ops'' he is 28 years older than i am.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): It's because he wants you, and he must not be getting enough of you, otherwise he would not be "dwelling" on pornography. He needs a reason to let off steam, if ya get me, and if you aren't that reason now, be the reason before he possibly.. does something horrible-r.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): Who defines what is 'normal' anyway? To someone who uses porn... that seems normal. To someone who doesn't use porn (and understands its pitfalls) ... that seems normal.
So what is normal? Read up on the psychology behind 'porn use'. Read up on the ways it ruins people. There are many articles based on science of the brain delving into this subject matter all over the internet. Educate yourself on it. Then you will understand what science and mental health professionals have to say on the matter.
Normal isn't morality... it is defined as the healthy expression of what comes naturally. Porn isn't natural, therefore any dependence on the 'unnatural' should give concern... enough concern to educate yourself about what you are facing. READ and learn.
Then hold your SO's actions to this information.... and see whether his behavior is 'normal'.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 I know women read a lot into men watching porn but it is after all just vapor and we men use it to excite our libido. It is normal for humans to arouse themselves.
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 It is normal, very normal. But, you have every right to be upset. You weren't aware and he's hiding it. But, he might not be hiding it for a bad reason. What if someone in his past freaked out on him about it and he's afraid you will too? I would talk to him about it if it bothers you. Tell him why it bothers you. Communication is key to every good relationship. If you talk to him, when he says it's not because of you, believe him. Like Illithid said, sometimes it's not even sexual. Also, if your relationship hasn't changed, him being more distant and stuff like that, I wouldn't worry too much. He just needs his alone time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): Could I ask you his usual choice in porn, or does he watch all styles? I think, if he has a specific taste, that taste could also be something that is bothering you and you might want to air out that problem, if it does exist.
Porn is a normal activity for guys. It doesn't qualify as "cheating" or mean any disinterest or preference for you if it's not "used" to an extreme.
I don't think it's so healthy that he's trying to hide it, so that's something you'll have to discuss with him. It could very likely just be out of embarrassment or want of privacy, so there's no need right now to get so bothered... best to know the facts first...
-Tante Vic
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Long story short: Yes. It's normal for any man, of any age, in any relationship status to look at porn. It doesn't mean he's not attracted to you, or doesn't want to have sex with you, or even that he's not completely satisfied by you. 90% of the time, it's just blowing off steam, some personal relaxation time. If you're hurt by it, talk to him, and if he's refusing sex with you because he's too drained by it, then yes that's a problem... but a little porn here and there is normal and often unavoidable.
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A
female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Do you still have a good sex life? Does he still want you in that aspect? If so his watching porn doesnt affect you or your relationship. It seems alot of guys watch and hide, due to it being a very personal and private thing. My hubby does. Yes he lied about it too. We worked it out, he doesnt lie now. It never gets picked over me and we do stuff together far more then he does it himself so as far as im concerned its fine. However if your hubby turns you down for porn, that is a problem to me.. I wouldn't accept it. You could try talk (dont argue) about it, that you know about it. Guys do get defensive tho so try not to get angry about it. Just ask if you're more important or ask that he never chooses it instead of you etc. Dont be insecure because of it, he loves you. Pictures or videos can never compete with the real thing! And if it does then he does have a problem. Good luck
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