A
female
age
51-59,
*recious1066
writes:I am a 42 year old woman who recenly got married (it will be a year in june) Is it normal for a husband and wife to only have sex once every 3 months? He looks at porn almost everyday..some of it that I found is a little on the weird side like looking at transgender...he says he does because its funny...I have never had a problem in my relationships before as far as sex goes...I am seriously thinking about ending my marriage
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): newly wed and sex every three months and he is ' addicted" to porn. this is really a unhealthy marriage. does he mastubates a lot. where is he getting his sexual release from. i know it is not from you. you have every right to be frustrated but i do not think he will change his behaviour.
so maybe tell him to come to the party or you are shipping out. to me, sex is a very intergral part of a healthy marriage. maybe i am just too naive but if i am not getting any then i know there is a problem.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Unfortunately, your story is quite familiar around here and it sounds like your husband is addicted to porn. Does he masturbate with these porn sessions? If he is looking at the humor then he shouldn't be aroused, right? I usually don't get sexually stimulated at the comedy clubs...
This type of sexual addiction tends to affect men's ability to perform in real life at about the exact age your husband is, late 30's to early 40's. Some of the characteristics of this type of addiction is, inability to give it up even when it causes problems with work or relationships. "Needing" it on a daily basis. Escalation and desensitation. Lying or hiding it....and loosing interest in sexual relations with their loved one.
He had this problem before he married (it takes time to come to this point) but probably feels like he no longer needs to pretend since he now has you.
You can find support and answers on the internet...please inform yourself before confronting him with your suspicions, it will only make him more defensive and he will start blaming you for marital discord.
You can start here : npsupport.net or recoverynation.com
Best of luck to you, but if he refuses to try and get better, find yourself a man that loves and makes love to you. This condition does not spontaneously get better and it will destroy your self-confidence, sanity and marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): No this isn't OK, and your husband sounds addicted to porn and the type of porn is weird too, I doubt he is looking at it because it is funny....but what ever.
I would get into marriage counseling right away, and if this isn't improved then you have earned your way out of this marriage. I wouldn't be able to tolerate that and I would find myself being angry from the "rejection". Is he manipulative towards you? It may be a way for him to control you, not giving you what he knows you want from him.
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A
female
reader, Popemand  +, writes (31 May 2009):
I don't know about 3 months try over a year I want to know where men get off thinking they can control us.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (31 May 2009):
 "Normal" is a word I don't like to use in this regard. But I do find it "unusual" that he married you so recently and has barely touched you.
I do think you need to talk to him and ask him to spill the beans. He needs to make it clear what is going on, from his point of view.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): If porn is affecting your sex life with him (and it sounds like it is) then he may be addicted. He, or better yet the both of you together, need to see a counselor about this. If he is unwilling to do so, THEN consider scrapping the marriage...but remember you promised to stay with him for better or for worse. Here is the "worse." Try and work through it together; if he doesn't want to, then you are justified in wanting to leave. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Certainly common, but in my opinion, not normal. If nothing happens, end the marriage, but before that do everything in your power to recover your sex life, if you love this man don't give up until there's nothing else to do. First talk to him, but don't confront him, just talk to him calmly. If this won't change then suggest therapy, he may have some sort of addiction. Good luck.
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