A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I lost our virginity together, he never came the first time. After a year he still doesn't occasionally. And it seems like it takes lots of effort to come. He admitted an addiction to porn halfway into our relationship, and he's let that go now (apparently). I feel like I'll never be as exciting as porn, that he isn't sexually aroused by me. I could be as freaky as anything but I'll never be porn. I'm open to everything, and I get into it, I do love sex when he seems into it. I do my kegal exercises. I've booked hotel rooms for us to have weekends together, I work out and maintain my appearance, I'm young, I know I'm attractive and guys often hit on me. Now, I know a sexual connection is more than looks, as a person I don't feel beautiful to him. I feel like he's distant. He says its performance anxiety and that hes very attracted to me, but I think he isn't into me. I don't feel like he looks at me with desire, I don't feel 'it'. And if he was aroused during sex he would come, right? I crave passion and to feel desired, I want to make love properly, to feel a real connection. What can I do?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 There's a great website here http://yourbrainonporn.com which explains what is happening to young men who OD on the internet porn thing.
They basically desensitize themselves to anything but more and more images flashed on the screen. I would give him a few months to get over the withdrawal period and keep on being intimate.
This video sums it up pretty compellingly: http://www.upworthy.com/this-is-what-happens-when-kids-grow-up-on-unlimited-access-to-pornography?
Maybe when you explore this site and watch the video, it will make more sense to you.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): no its not normal, men have orgasms more easily than women and its not usual for men to stop before they have cum.
he may be nervous, self conscious or unable to finish during sex due to excessive masturbation.
Non of this is down to you or your looks or your performance.
he has an issue which he needs to accept at sort out.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2013):
 do you orgasm every time you have sex? I do not. It does not make the sex less enjoyable.
Just because he does not ejaculate every time you have sex does not mean he's not enjoying it.
And it's not a reflection on how attractive you are.
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A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (1 April 2013):
Well, an addiction to porn certainly can have an effect on how fast he comes. If there isn't that much sperm when he comes then that's another sign he's, well, kind of empty most of the time.
You might want to have a serious talk with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): The anxiety over your bf's porn addiction is clearly expressed in your post. Your competition with something that isn't real is putting stress on the both of you. Time and time again, women post their concerns on Cupid about their partner's porn addictions and masturbation. Sexual habits are hard to break. Men and women have different wiring when it comes to how we think about sex. We have different plumbing and men are more visual.He is very young. He may have lapses when it comes to his porn addiction. If he masturbates a lot; he will take longer to ejaculate during actual sex. If he does at all. Sometimes we just aren't in the mood. He may have things on his mind during love-making. He also senses your distrust and frustration with his porn addiction; so he is ever conscious of your annoyance with him about it. If you're having sex just to test and see if he's been naughty, you've added an element of anxiety to the mix; thus his performance anxiety. You are forcing him to expose himself; so you can scold him about it. Do you openly show your frustration when he doesn't come as soon as you think he should? That's just another problem.Self-blame and becoming a victim is only adding more anxiety into your relationship. Your beauty should have little to do with his true feelings for you. That's totally superficial. Don't compete with his fantasies. His imagination can go places neither of you can. So don't blame yourself. He has a problem, and if he doesn't get it under control, he is going to lose you.Sometimes, your fears make you focus too much on a problem and that creates a problem in itself. Your bf knows how you feel and if he doesn't ejaculate at the end of sex, just relax and snuggle. Try again in the morning.
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