A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Why do I get crippled with anxiety as soon as the possibility of anything romantic rears its head? As a person I am perfectly together and happy, I have had three past relationships so it's not as if I'm completely inexperienced, and for a long while I mostly have felt that I'm getting a bit bored of being single in terms of being slightly lonely and slightly sexually frustrated. So please don't tell me I'm simply 'not ready' for someone, as I'm not sure that's the case. But as soon as the possibility of something comes up... for example, last night I guy I've been wondering about for a while offered to get a train (all the way to where I live) to meet for a coffee and to give me a copy of a book he'd mentioned. I don't even know if that's a date, I don't want to assume anything but equally I don't want to be naive - but the either way, I woke up this morning feeling really quite sick, and today I'm all jitters. I know that butterflies etc are a natural, and for most people, positive, part of this kind of thing. But there is a line - this stuff shouldn't actually cause me full-blown stress, surely? I want to be able to eat and sleep and concentrate on my work. Does anyone else get like this?! And please if you have any tips at all for how to get a grip on it and approach things more calmly, that would be great. I really really want to learn how to be more laid back when it comes to these things, as this is just silly.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2015):
As a mental health nurse . Jitters and excitement are all healthy and normal as they indicate you like the person your meeting . However I think nowadays there is such a burden on is this a date are we dating, friends, etc lol . Whereas when my husband asked me out ( many moons ago turning 40 people get hankies and violin going haha ) I just accepted
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (25 February 2015):
 I have had this problem for a very very very long time and I understand exactly what you mean.
I personally think it does go with being young but I myself spent a few years not being able to understand why in comparison too other young people I felt so anxious when it came to dating. And like you I would be SO anxious it interfered with my daily life.
I would lose sleep over it, I would stop eating over it, I would sit in my room non-stop thinking about it.. and normally this would then cause me too call whatever plans I had with the guy off.
It did at some points make me depressed because I would just think "why can't I do it?" "why is it so easy for everyone else to do, but not me?" these thoughts drove me up the wall and it made me feel like I was unable to have another relationship because whenever I got close to a guy or they wanted me to go on a date I felt trapped.
And like you.. It wasn't because I wasn't ready, because I was fully ready, and I wanted a relationship more than anything, due to having a year and half break from the dating world.
Things had started to go down hill, and at one point I thought I was not able to be with ANYONE....and now, I am in a relationship :)
Do not lose faith, because this issue can be overcome and you don't have to be alone and you can find another person who you are compatible with.. however it does take time and effort and I am going to share with you how I got past this issue and managed to get into another relationship.
May I ask... you said you had 3 previous relationships.. were these good or bad ones? I had, had two relationships before the one I am now in at a very young age, and both of them had been very bad. I feel that part of my problem when it came too dating again, was due to the previous relationships.
When I came out of my second relationship, it was so bad, that I was so happy too be out of it and "free" that I couldn't stand the thought of being in another one.
I felt that if I got into another relationship it would be like all the others, I felt like I would be trapped and suffocated, and I would lose my freedom again. This would then cause me to go into a spate of anxiety whenever the opportunity came around of me getting close to another man. So this was one of the reasons I felt like I couldn't do it.
The other reason and probably the big factor as to why I found everything so hard was CONFIDENCE and LOW SELF ESTEEM. After I got into the relationship I am currently in, I learnt that the main issue I had was due to a lack of confidence.
The anxiety would come from me not thinking I was good enough.. I would over think everything, and be convinced that as soon as someone saw me in real life, they would be put off by something. Whether it was my looks or my personality, I was convinced it would go wrong, I was convinced I would make a fool of myself and then that would be it.
However, in reality, none of that stuff happened, it was in my head and the only way I found I could overcome any of this was by pretending I was confident. It might sound silly, but if you just go ahead and do it and pretend to be confident, everything falls into place. Men love confidence, and if you pretend for long enough, everything falls into place, that is how I got into the current relationship I am in.
Stop over thinking it, stop trying to read into it, stop worrying, stop thinking of every scenario which could go wrong and just do it! Relationships are about risks, and if you don't take a risk, then you will forever be wondering what its like to take a risk, you have to use your will power in this situation and just go for it.. push all of those bad thoughts to the back of your head, grab the bull by the horns, and let your inner confidence shine :) Good luck.
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