A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For some reason, nobody takes me seriously. For reference, I've heard from my friends that I have a fairly, ahem, attractive face and body. I've been told I'm very pretty and have quite the voluptuous body. And I'm not trying to sound arrogant or whatever, it's just important to the background. I'm very intelligent and logical, which people don't expect from me. I take the most difficult classes, and I usually make the top grades out of each class. I also tend to be bubbly and talkative when I'm comfortable with the situation, which is usually an academic one. It seems like whenever classmates find out how smart I really am, they're genuinely surprised. Some of my friends even admit that before they started hanging out with me they used to think I was just a dumb blonde, not that they can explain quite why. New people I meet always assume I’m some ditz who’s lost in a group of nerds. At the beginning of every school year, teachers are surprised by my first high test grade.This isn’t just academic though. Even as an athlete, I’m not taken seriously. I am a fantastic swimmer, and I perform well on my high school team. But when I wore a bikini once to a team party (I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to), my (male) coach looked at my body and commented that “this isn’t spring break!” like I was acting slutty or something when in reality I was embarrassed about my faux pas . I’m also very social, so I know all of the younger swimmers and help them get to know the rest of the team. Whenever I’m seen talking to my teammates, though, my coach assumes I’m slacking and yells at me. He doesn’t even seem to care when I make a state cut in a new event because he doesn’t think I work to get it. Apparently, my improving times are all gosh-darn luck.I am a smart girl whom people automatically take as a dumb blonde. I am a good worker and a fast swimmer but my coaches think I don’t work for my progress. Apparently, it’s just not feasible for me to be successful. Appearance is the first thing noticed, so do people automatically have me pinned as the “pretty girl?” Does this make them think I’m not the smart girl, not the funny girl, not the hard worker? Right off the bat, do people see me as unintelligent, two-dimensional, obnoxious, and conceited? Are my looks causing these perceptions and ultimately holding me back? If so, what can I do to stop it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (29 August 2011):
Our brains are designed to quickly make sense of the world and our immediate environment as a way of assessing threat and giving us a sense of control and security, so when we were cavemen and women living in the wild, we would know the animals and other humans that were a threat, and those which were not. It is part of our survival mechanism.
This means our brains are predisposed to judge, to make assumptions and put people in boxes. Our culture reinforces this with cultural stereotyping, which come from the same history evolutionarily speaking. It is the way we make sense of the world, it makes us feel safe when we can put people and other things in their place, mentally speaking, by judging them.
There is nothing you can do to prevent people from judging you based on their impression of you. This is natural, and we all do it. The best thing you can do is forgive people their mistaken judgements, and surprise them by showing them your depth as they get to know you. I know it is very frustrating and unjust, but it is not something you can prevent people from doing, because you can't control their judgements. Even when you get the time to show people who you really are in a deeper way, some people will judge you negatively as their perceptions become coloured with feelings of jealousy, envy, agression, competativeness, and other ways of being in the world that other people have. These reactions are also not things you can control. Forgive them in others, but use them to learn which people you want to give your time and energy to, and which you do not.
Keep believing in yourself and keep your sense of confidence in who you are, in spite of other people's bad reactions.
A
male
reader, wolfred bane  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 It's a sad fact that people just group people into "classes". Just ignore those people who thinks you are a bimbo, they are just not seeing you properly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): why do you want to be taken serious is more the question? what do you have to prove?
just get on doing what you set out to achieve and count your blessings.
spunky monkey
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A
male
reader, UKLifeCoach  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 I would like to say the from what you have described about yourself you are a very balanced , stable, confident person that is comfortable with expressing yourself socially and academicly. And you are like a role model for some people on the swimming team to look up to..however there is always a large section of people in life who are conditioned by sterotypes and live by them. because they havent got the mental capacity to make individual boxes to fit people into..have you not noticed yourself that everyone everywhere always try and put you in a box so they can compute you more easily. its like in school you see the dark gothic people, the sporty popular guys, the cheerleaders, the nerds, the geeks, the ravers.each group has their own set of attributes. but not one attribute is to what thier ambitions are, what there parents are like, what they want to do with thier life.. thier political views.... its all about what they wear, where they live, how much money ive got...what brand of cloths they bought.unfortunatly this wont change soon. so learn the skill of blocking all that out and accepting that you are the one person that breaks all the stereo types and nobody can position you because you are individual and a one in a million person. and when someone acts suprised at something. take it as a compliment that the box they positioned you in was wrong and that your possible in thier thoughts for a while longer too.hope this helps
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A
female
reader, TamyKarcz  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 Girl, you just described my life! So there i have it, i'm NOT the only one with those problems. When i was in high-school (some time ago) it didn't matter, be it teachers or just plain colleagues, both thought i was just a bimbo (and mind you i wasn't even blond), nor am i now!!!Big surprise on their face though when i excelled in all of my classes. Naturally colleagues started to think i kiss teachers asses and the teachers thought i cheated on the tests! I had a hard time proving to them, that looks and brains are two different things. They always thought:good looking = stupid; bad looking = intelligence. I had to break that stereotype, but it took me a while!! I am very comfortable in my own skin, and i do know who i am.. the good looks it's just a plus. I would have been the same even if i was ugly! Same thing happened to me when i started college! People automatically saw me as "ah, she's pretty... she's probably the best party girl"... NOT! Even now (i am 20) when i meet new people, the first thing i hear coming out of their mouths is "you're pretty / you're looking good/ you're beautiful"... and the second thing "wow, i didn't know you know that / wow you got brains"... of course i do, and then i realize, they have already put a label on me. We live in a sad world.. if you're ugly it's not good, but even if you are beautiful things aren't easier. So to answer your question! YES many people (not all, i am not generalizing) but many people automatically label you as empty-headed, as stupid, as a party girl, as a crazy "ha-ha-ha look at me girl"...and so on! What can you do? Basically don't pay attention to them, be proud of you are and show them how wrong they are in reality. I know i did... when all the people thought i would choose the easiest way out while going to college... surprise surprise, i'm studying LAW(it's not easy but it's very rewarding) and i manage well! So there you have it! Don't be intimidated by them, just prove them wrong and prove to yourself that you're worth more than just your looks! Good luck sweetie! ^_~
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A
male
reader, Initforreal +, writes (28 August 2011):
I'm going to be blunt; most people are ignorant in some way, shape, or form. They are simply taking at at face value and associating you with the "dumb blonde" stereotype, which you clearly aren't. Those destined for greatness are bound to achieve it, so don't let a little adversity keep you down.
Be yourself, you shouldn't have to change who you are for other people to take you seriously. Keep proving them wrong and they have to accept reality; you aren't an idiot and don't want to be treated like one.
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