A
male
age
36-40,
*ustaGuy
writes:Hey Aunts,My original post is here is you want to read:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-treat-her-like-a-princess-but-she.htmlI hav'nt spoken to my ex since sunday night, i was quite angry and I didnt part on good terms. Her depression along with the ups and downs with me were always hard and I constantly felt like i was walking a tightrope with her.We were in the process(I thought)of working towards getting back together, after a previous breakup over the summer. I gave her another chance and she told me she wanted to be with me and thanked me for being patient with her. After a cold hearted phonecall on sunday night it became obvious she took me for granted and was playing with my emotions just to make her feel better about herself - this she actually said in no uncertain terms. She told me I was "too kind" and that she felt safe with me!? She often looked for ways to annoy me and get me to hate her, she tryed to convince me on the phone she had cheated on me, but i saw through this and she then admitted it was a lie. She kinda laughed and said why cant you just hate me!?So after building up my hopes and then breaking my heart again why do I feel the need to speak to her again? She has caused me so much heartache and yet I miss her and part of me wants her back.Am I right to turn my back on her? I partly feel I have let her down as I know depression is not an easy thing to deal with and she does'nt have many friends to help her. If i contact her though I feel as if she has 'won' again and will continue to keep me in her back pocket - if what she said was true (she may have simply be trying to make me hate her again!????). When it was good it was amazing and Deep down I want to belive that all the happy times we shared together,all the times she said she loved me were genuine and that this is just her being 'unstable' again. For those who didnt read my original post this has happened twice before, it seems as though every few weeks she freaks out and tells me to leave her life, but we end up talking again. This time is worse though as I got angry and told her to leave me alone for good. Again I want my dignity and respect so I dont want to go back to just be heartbroken again, but at the same time I still care,miss her and want her to get better. She is bad for me so why do i want her back!!Any thoughts or advice are much apprecicated.
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cheated on me, heartbroken, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (29 October 2007):
 you are right better said than be done but that doesn't change the fact that you have to do it godd luck
A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (27 October 2007):
JustaGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Oblivia, you make a good point about part of her recovery is realising she cant treat people badly, even the 'nice guys' - and so I should walk away.
Still, easier said than done, but I'm holding up for the moment.
Thanks again all.
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (27 October 2007):
 Hi,
This doesn't feel like a good thing to say, but when you ask whether you should stick around to help her since you know depression is not an easy thing to go through, I can't help thinking that ok, but when will she start taking responsibility for her actions towards you? Even a depressed person has an obligation to do her best not to hurt other people. I don't feel that she is doing this, I feel she is using you only to get rid of anger she is carrying inside. It might be part of her depression to do this, but then maybe it is time for her now to deal with these sides, like to deal with the fact that the "too kind" guy will eventually walk away if you treat him badly for a very long time. You are not hurting her for refusing to be her garbage can, on the contrary, it might even be good for her recovery to realize this.
I hope I'm wrong about her because I understand you must feel lots of love for her, which is really nice of you, but in the end of the day you must also mind your own heart. Your mind and heart are also very important!
Take good care!
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A
female
reader, lilgirly +, writes (25 October 2007):
you have been here for her for a very long time now so i say i better let go.............
i know u don't wanna and u will have all the excuses not to but u will do it sooner or later (sooner=better)
gd luck XXX
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A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (25 October 2007):
JustaGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so far guys.
No hard feelings peoriaman.
This is the root of my issue, do I help her at the risk of hurting myself again? or do i turn my back and walk away when I know she needs help?
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A
female
reader, lilgirly +, writes (24 October 2007):
hey,
your problem is going on for so long is because u love her and ur love had turned into adiction and obssetion! girls usually search every where for a guy like u!
she is playing with your feelings so sorry to say this and i know it is really hard but leave her cz if u don't and continue loving her she might be ther one who leaves u when she finds someone else..... u know that she is wrong for u but u can't go on like this (when u r in love with the wrong person and you're aware of it ,it is so incorrect to carry on. yea we know it is difficult to put up with breakups ,but it's more difficult to put up with someone who doesn't understand u or plays with u anyways tell us what happens next and best of luck XXXX...........
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A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (24 October 2007):
JustaGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to answer your questions peoriaman,
I never cheated, betrayed or in any way given her reason to feel hurt by me. I have always been loving and supportive towards her and have picked her up in times of need.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (24 October 2007):
 Hey Dude, it's been a long time.
I hate that you're still having some trouble with that girl, mate, but you're not alone. I'm still fairly stuck in the same old rut as usual. Me and you used to message eachother quite a lot some time ago, so just wanted to remind you if you want my opinion on something, send me a message! It'll be just like old times... I wish that was more of a good thing, but hey! It could help.
Anyway, I best get on with this answer.
I stick by what I used to say, I think turning your back on her is for the best. I don't like how she toys with you and your feelings. She doesn't own you, and shouldn't mistreat you the way she does. Maybe she should think about how few people there are in her life, and how much more empty her life would be without you in it. You''re a good guy after all. Don't feel guilty if you do leave her, because you have good reason to if that is what you decide.
Best of luck to you, pal. Hope to hear from you.
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