A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:This shouldn't be this difficult. I broke up with the ex January 2nd. The last 3 weeks I've had a really nice, sweet, caring guy in hot pursuit. I've told him several times that I'm in no shape emotionally or psychologically to get into anything right now. He does everything I wanted my ex to do. He's been amazing, even knowing how I feel right now. I'm just so numb and broken from that last guy (that there is no chance of reconciliation with, although I still miss him terribly at times). I'm in therapy and taking mess to help me get through the breakup (I'm severely clinically depressed and still having separation anxiety attacks). I hate that I'm feeling like this, but there's just no connection to the new guy right now. Will this numbness pass? Why wouldn't I be as excited about this wonderful guy as he is about me?
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 February 2012):
 The numbness will pass. When you are ready. Doing therapy is awesome.
It took me ten months after a marriage I WANTED to end was over before i was ready to date again...
there is no timetable for grief. you are grieving a loss a death as it were... the death of a relationship. Read up on the stages of grief (Elizabeth Kubler-Ross "On Death and Dying") and mourn your loss as long as you need to.
A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (23 February 2012):
You still have feelings for your last BF. Yes it does past. My Gf broke up with me and a month later she was with another guy. I am more like you and still had feelings for her and knew I couldnt start another relationship right away. In my opinion I think you should wait until you have had time to get over your last BF. Try to not think about your last BF and move on. Its so hard to do. But you have too. A great way to do this is to stop contact with him. At least until you are over him.
Good luck! dont rush it
"fall in love when you are ready,not when you are lonely"
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 It wouldn't be too soon if you actual could feel something romantic about the new guy, then I would say grab him, if you wait until your totally healed you might not be able to find him.
However, if your clinically depressed and suffering anxiety, you can't date anyone at the moment, your just too sick. Continue with the therapy and forget about guys and romance for the moment.
Maybe the guy is willing just to be a friend. But you must tell him clearly, over and over again, that friendship is all you can offer right now and as to the future, you can't promise anything, so he should stay and wait in hope.
...............................
A
female
reader, hiljo +, writes (23 February 2012):
Hun, you're going through a break up.
You're going to be sad... distraught..angry...untrusting...all of that!
You're supposed to be right now. Your heart is hurting, you need time to heal.
Give yourself that time. If you know its not a good time to date, then don't. Take time to recuperate from the last relationship before starting a new one.
If this guy cares, he'll understand that you need your space right now.
I've been through an earth-shattering, how will i continue living-style break up, and I know how important it is to heal instead of putting salt on an open wound.
Make small goals along the way... so you don't want to totally give up on this guy? Give yourself a month to be alone and work through your feelings. After that month is up, see how you feel.. if you need more time, take it.
The great thing about GOALS is that it gives you a concrete idea of what you're trying to accomplish. Setting a goal helps keep a person from feeling different every day and, overall, being confused and lost in whats going on.
Determine what you need.
Let yourself have it.
Listen to yourself. All the advice you truly need is already within your heart and mind.. you just have to listen to it:)
...............................
|
