A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is going to sound horrible.. and I already feel like I know the responses I will recieve.. but here I go. Long story short, my friend and I went out drinking one nite.. met sum guys, talked for about 3 hours and the one guy and I made out for a bit. At the end of the nite my friend was plastered an almost left with out me. The guy gave me his number so i could call him and let him know i made it home ok. the next mornin i sent him a text saying i made it home in one piece. 2 days later he sent a reply. i told him please dont contact me cus i am involved with someone. Well the days go by and i keep thinkin about him.. so my friend contacts him.. and he told her for me to call anytime. we met up once afterwards when i found out he has a wife and kids. he said he was wonderin how long until i asked... i replied well u approached me so i figured he was unattached.. not really attached. so we have talked a few times on the phone and he tells me he cant quite put his finger on it but he is "kinda in lust with me" and thinks about and misses me. I know this is wrong and dont know what to do. Is it just the attention from another male that makes me feel well? people are in relationships for years sumtimes and find someone who is there true partner. he has told me how unhappy he is in his marriage but stays for the kids. but he is a married man talking to another woman.. so who is to tell what is real? i am reaching out for advice and am not looking to be criticized. Thanks ...
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male
reader, dan026 +, writes (29 June 2009):
 First, this is not directed at you but rather a response to your post stating you have done nothing wrong. She is in a relationship and you made out with a stranger. Is that not socially accepted as being wrong? That is neither here nor there though. Second, in response to you, if he is willing to cheat on his wife with you, will he not later be willing to cheat on you? This is a situation where you need to save yourself a lot of pain and forget him. His wife and children will unfortunately end up hurt regardless because I doubt you are the first or last woman he has and will mess around with. He has a problem, stay away from him.
A
female
reader, betty_black  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Alot of men say the same thing, that its not working out, and thats why they want you. Dont let him use you as the ruin of his marriage and family, you dont wanna be responsible for that. Its alot easier finding someone who doesnt have so much risk and baggage! No girl wants to be the bit on the side, im sure its not a nice feeling! He'll feed you bullshit that hes gonna leave her throughout the relationship, and itll never happen. Ive seen this happen a million times over and trust me, it only ends in tears. Yours, his, his wifes and the kids. Not worth it.
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A
female
reader, beehive +, writes (29 June 2009):
Attractions happen, but they don't always need to be acted on. If you choose to help this man have an affair, you will be potentially destroying several lives - most importantly, your own. Why would you want the grief of knowing that the guy you are dating, seeing, etc. is going home to his wife and children every night. Why would you choose from the outset to engage in behavior that will only lead to anxiety and frustration. Furthermore, have you ever been cheated on? If you were married, would you want someone to completely disregard your feelings? Best thing is to get far far away from this guy now. You'll only be hurting yourself in the end if you don't.
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A
female
reader, babymama99 +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Throw this fish back in the water.Sure he's going to say he's unhappy and is staying in the marriage just for the kids. What would be the alternative. I am happily married to the best woman in the world but I still want to screw you every now and then. We all want to feel like we still have IT. He paid you attention, and is trying to pursuing you. take that as an ego boost, and leave it at that. a married man is just that, a married man. until his status changes you don't need to be involved in his drama.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (28 June 2009):
 There's nothing to criticise you for - quite the opposite - you've done nothing, and you are carefully thinking about what you should do next. You have hit on the essential question: is he just exaggerating his marital problems because he fancies you, or is it the truth, and you might be his soul mate?Very VERY hard to tell. Even just going out for a coffee with him is dangerous, because the pair of you clearly are in lust. My instinct, though, would be to say leave alone, because so many innocent people could be hurt. Leave it be. Don't be the one to be the catalyst in breaking up his life. Whatever he says.
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