A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 23, female, and in a commited relationship for about 4 yrs now. My boyfriend and I have lived together for about the last 2yrs. I really love him alot, and believe that he will someday be my husband (which I kind of wish was sooner then later) My problem is that I have absolutely NO sex drive anymore. This has been going on for about a year now, and I feel so bad that I'm not "pleasing him" but at the same time, I have no interest whatsoever, which is weird, because everytime we do have sex and I manage to get into the mood it is mindblowing.The only thing I can really think that has changed alot is my lifestyle. My boyfriend has always worked alot, but I usually just worked a regular 40hr week and was able to do the housework/ make dinner etc. A year and a half ago I opened my own business, and now work nearly 60hr weeks, plus we bought a building which we have been renovating on nights and weekends. Needless to say, my lifestyle has changed and I feel a little rushed through life. I can't keep on top of the housework, and we usually end up eating something quick around 10pm. Is it possible that I just have too much on the go for my body to find the "get up and go" to be interested in sex? Or do you think there could be a more physical "girl" problem type reason? Any input is greatly appreciated. Thanks!
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (26 July 2007):
 I have the exact same problem, and yes, if you're doing too much you may have no interest in sex.
Women are multi-taskers -- which is GREAT for everything EXCEPT for sex. If you still have a list of everything that needs doing in your head, you're never going to get your head clear enough to have natural desire. And now that you're overworked, the bed is for sleep!
To test this, try taking a weekend away. Anywhere. Could be the Motel in town. Don't bring your Blackberry or cellphone. You should find that you're in the mood more like you used to be.
So here's what you do: put your guy on your schedule. (Don't tell him about it; it's not very sexy.) But give yourself permission to come onto him WITHOUT HAVING TO GET ANYTHING ELSE DONE during these times. You already know that the sex will be great; so start without the desire and do it anyway ("fake it 'til you make it").
Even if you're not looking forward to it, do it anyway. Sex is a really important part of a committed relationship. It's something you just have to make time for. Call it "date night" or "private meetings" or whatever you need to get him into your schedule. Good luck.
A
female
reader, nailglitter18  +, writes (26 July 2007):
 If I had that much on my plate, I wouldn't be thinking about sex either- I'd be focusing on a good night's sleep!! You two need to take a long weekend sometime and just focus on RandR. What you need is a vacation. (easier said than done, I know!)
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