A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'll try and keep this as brief as possible, but I would sincerely appreciate any advice anyone could offer. I am 24 years old and have been in a relationship with an absolutely wonderful guy for 5 years. He is the type of person you would describe as a 'catch', very loving and affectionate, absolutely adores me, very conscientious, never forgets anniversaries etc, good looking. We got engaged last year and have been living together for 3 years now. He was my first 'real' boyfriend and the only man I have ever slept with. My problem is that I have started to having 'feelings' for a male friend of mine. I find myself thinking about him and making up reasons to conact him and meet up with him. This is a strictly platonic friendship, and he has no idea of how I feel but I am concerned about what this means for my relationship. Would I be having these feelings if I was ready to be totally settled? I feel I am missing out on a stage in life when I am discovering about adult relationships and if I marry my fiancee it will mean that I would live my whole life only having had sex with one man. My fiancee is fiercely loyal and very outspoken about people who cheat, so I know he would never, ever cheat on me, but part of me wishes he would so I would be 'justified' in trying out some things and could then 'take him back' and we could go back to living happily ever after. As I say he is a wonderful man, who I would not want to hurt, and I would always want him to have a place in my life. As I see it I have two choices 1) Stay in the relationship I am in always wonder if it is really right or not 2) Throw away 5 years of genuine love, affection and support on something that could be a whim. Without having experienced other relationships I don't know if I am IN love with my fiancee, only that I do love him. I'm sorry for going on so long, this is just something that is really upsetting me at the moment. I would bbe very grateful for any advice you can give.Shirley
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): I know this is really hard for you but in life there will always be temptations in life, trust me on this one, even married people go thru this too! If you made up your mind in marriage with this guy, I would say you should stick to it and get married.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (26 July 2007):
 Well, let me say your friendship is no longer platonic. You're attracted to him and thinking about making a significant life change because of that. I dont suggest you spend any time alone with him. You're in a vulnerable state of mind. That doesn't make you bad, just not really ready for marriage. Just because you got engaged doesn't mean you have to get married. That will not "fix" things. It might for a while, you're caught up in the excitement of the wedding, but it could change.
Take your time. If you decide there are other things yo'd like to experince, then be honest. You owe your boyfriend that much. You don't need to torture him with details about who you like, just don't rubit in his face and be discreet.
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