A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone! Just got a question about my sexual orientation, and the fact that I fear myself!I'm 15 years old, and like women. I'm straight. At least, I think I am.I have often (increasingly recent) been having sexual fantasies with men while I'm alone, "doing the deed" and it terrifies me!I don't like the idea of liking men, or men and women. Only women.The reason I'm so afraid is because I'm scared of what my friends, parents, and family will think of me.Am I just Bicurious, or actually bisexual? Is there a way I can avoid being gay? Some insight would be gladly appreciated! I'm very scared of my sexual orientation. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2015): You're a little young for all this, but I will explain it for you. Read it again, if it's too long or complex for you.
As a gay man, I faced what you're going through now at the very same age. What I first had to learn is, while going through your puberty and adolescence; you are undergoing hormonal-changes, physical-growth, and mental-development that will confuse you. Too many biological changes are happening at the same time. You may well be bi-curious; but at this early stage in your young development, you may only be curious. That's all.
Take your time and don't let the fear of opinions and rejection of others distress you when you're not even sure what you feel. It is a part of maturing and psychological development that all straight and gay people go through.
Before I ever even considered touching a man; I too was attracted to women, and lost my virginity to an older female. I enjoyed the sex, but I could not emotionally attach my feelings to bond as a couple. That is how I determined if I was just curious about men; or if I was actually emotionally and sexually-attracted to men.
I lived in denial for a long time. I grappled with my religious upbringing, the fear of family shame and rejection; and I hated those lingering feelings. I hid them in shame and disgust with myself.
This is what I decided to do. I waited before deciding whether I was gay, bi-sexual, or straight. To see if all I was told I should do or feel came naturally. I experimented with what everyone told me nature intended me to do first.
I had to form my own opinion about it. That's how I am.
I liked sex with girls, but I couldn't grow emotionally attached. It was just about sex.
One day I met a boy my age. That's when I knew for sure. We didn't do anything, but my feelings for him grew closer and closer. We were in our early twenties before we came out to each other, and that's where and when we fell in-love. When we knew who we are, accepted what our true nature is, and were old enough to deal with whatever perplexities came with coming to terms with being gay/bisexual.
Even a bisexual is still partially homosexual; if he or she is sexually-attracted to the same sex. Regardless of being attracted to men or women. Heterosexuals are attracted only to the opposite sex; however, they too may experience attraction to the same sex, and not have a clue why. They may never cross the line to find-out, and go a life-time without exploring that curiosity. There is no question, they are straight. If they weren't, they couldn't resist that part of themselves. It would be too strong of an urge to fight. Because it would be a part of their true nature.
Just fantasizing about the same-sex does not make you gay.
It's what a young virgin-mind sometimes does before you've had sex with anybody. Most will claim that has never crossed their minds, that isn't true. Nobody is 100% steadfast, heterosexual. They simply will not engage in homosexual activity. Anyone can be celibate (avoid having sex at all) if they wanted to. Many straight men and women have gone to prison, and crossed that line. Which shows, no one will ever be 100% sure. Some have slipped, and it happened. Some try it as an experiment, and never do it again. It doesn't feel right, like being with women is for me now. However; I still like pretty girls, stare at boobs, curvy butts, and shapely legs. I can't go without women in my life. They're too powerful as a creature of nature. Even gay men need them.
If you are bi-sexual, one side of you is attracted to and can be emotionally-attached to women. The other, can be emotionally and physically-attracted to men. You may prefer one over the other. You are far too young to have a full understanding; because sexuality matures and becomes more distinct when you understand yourself. That comes with psychological maturity. I recognized my attraction to boys as early as eight; but I had no real idea what sex really was. My older brothers told me, my parents explained; but my head hadn't really gotten there yet.
There are kids younger than you, who "come-out," and claim they are gay. They're usually right. The truth is, they don't have a clue what that really means and entails; they just read too much, and they are exposed early to more than they can understand about sexuality. That takes time and your mind has to be mature enough to deal with such things in the process of your mental and sexual-development.
Don't distress over what you feel now. It's all in your mind, and time will clarify for you who you really are, and what you truly feel about men or women. Don't worry or hate yourself; because whatever your sexual-orientation is
eventually determined to be. It isn't a choice. It is who you are, and what nature determined you to be.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (5 April 2015):
 This link may also help you come to terms with your own sexuality and explain your bicuriousity. Sexual orientation isn't necessarily a black and white scale for everyone, it's more more complex and fluid than that!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (5 April 2015):
 Some people go through a bicurious phase in teenage while for others their bisexual tendencies continue well into adulthood. If the male fantasies come from porn it is not as convincing as if you are crushing on a male figure in real life and doing it. I watch mostly straight porn but I find man to man porn more arousing than lesbian porn. So what does that make me? If you've never had relationships in real life then no one can tell what your orientation is yet. Your sexuality is not scary. What is scary is society being homophobic and closed minded about it. You don't have to tell anyone about it. Usually people who are mostly gay would come out. People who are capable of living straight lives, being faithful to spouses without being tempted by fantasies do just fine. Your sexuality is private and no one should interfere because no one knows you the best but yourself.
You can try to think of women only, every time an image of a penis enters your mind. But sexuality is partly born with, and partly who you associate with in your life. Many bisexual people are living straight lives even when they find both sexes attractive. If you never experiment, you never know, and the curiosity bugs you the whole time. If you did experiment and want to let your future girlfriend know, she might mind that you are bisexual. It's best to either find a bisexual girlfriend (or someone who is a fan of the LGBTU community) so she understands, or never tell at all. I am an expert of hiding that I can be a spy. Some people are too open, talkative and find it wrong to hide a part of yourself. I myself do not find anything wrong if the majority of people can't accept it. You are so young so just take it one day at a time.
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