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age
41-50,
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writes: I’ve been seeing this guy on and off for three years (I’m 26, he’s 27). The reason it’s been “on and off” for so long is pretty much due to horrible timing. I was just starting a new relationship when we first met, then he was in one…I travel often for work and he’s been deployed three times, each for extended periods of time, since we met. Anway, right now everything is going our way and it looks like it’s the perfect time for us to have a great relationship. The problem is that he won’t have sex! When we first met, he explained to me that though he’s not a virgin, he doesn’t want to have sex with just anyone and he thinks sex is special and all that. So, I feel like after all this time, he knows that it isn’t just some casual one night stand. He’s comfortable doing anything, except actual intercourse. When we’re together, he tells me how bad he wants me and other than the sex thing, everything is perfect. He’s very attentive and pretty much everything a girl would want. I just don’t understand how an otherwise normal guy doesn’t want to have sex! I guess it could just be that he has very strong morals, but it just seems very unlikely to me. Anybody have any ideas what could be going on?
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male
reader, Lordtone  +, writes (19 November 2007):
 I agree with Tom - definitely something else this guy wants to tell you. Unfortunately I don't think the answer is anything to do with morals. Although in the beginning its a romantic gesture to not want sex, I think in your situation, you have been together a while, and as you say "he’s comfortable doing anything, except actual intercourse", it's time for a more proactive role on your part. Speaking from experience, (this could get embarrasing), when I was 16/17 I was petrified of actual intercourse. This all stemmed from my first girlfriend when I attempted to have sex with her and found I couldn't. To be blunt, I just couldn't get it in the hole! After trying occasionly I gave up and my next couple of girlfriends I didn't have sex with. I did everything else but gave the excuses just the same as your guy. I then found a girlfriend who was more 'keen' in the bedroom and she practically put it in for me! From this point on it was problem solved! Try being a bit more encouraging when in the bedroom considering sex. Seize your opportunity, get on, and don't let him say no! I don't think there is much point in talking to him about it anymore, he might feel uncomfortable about it and will try to give you new excuses - its time for action.
A
male
reader, TomWilkinson +, writes (19 November 2007):
 He could have had a bad / traumatic experience with actual penetration. The obvious thing would be to ask him again why he doesn't want to have sex, as if he truly does feel the way he says and hold the morals he says he does (should be special, right person etc.) then you would be the person he surely should have sex with.Not having sex with you is, in your words, making you "just anyone", which doesn't seem to be the case. It does seem like there's something else not being said.All the best and please feel free to message me
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