A
male
age
36-40,
*omWilkinson
writes:Long time Aunt, first time asker = )Now then, I haven't had what could be classed as a "relationship" for almost a year now, but have been going out a lot with friends (1-3 times a week) and 9 times out of 10 not going home alone. Most of these girls are nice, friendly, fun to be around, attractive, exactly what I'd look for in a girlfriend, and I just don't seem to have the desire to make that commitment with them.I've been thinking a lot about my ex, who was manipulative, sly and said some incredibly hurtful things. Yet somehow, all I can think about is being back with her. When I'm with these other girls, she's on my mind.I feel bad because a couple of people have expressed interest (quite blatantly) in being in a relationship with me, and I can't bring myself to do it, making me feel even worse about the one night stands.Is there anyway I can stop desiring this ex who was clearly not right for me, and find the desire to commit, even to the early stages, of a possible relationship?Thanks for your time x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): So what is it about you, that causes you to focus on a manipulative, sly ex gf...who plainly hurt you a lot? How did you feel about taking these females home? I guess I am trying point out to you, we have a difficult time detaching our emotions from someone who was not 'good for us'. And sometimes we try to soothe the hurt by looking too hard for replacements, when we have not dealt with the baggage. It sounds like you are still healing and recovering. Until you can find closure with this past relationship, you will always hit a wall when trying to commit to others. And dating and having sex with random females rarely leads to instant commitment, anyways. Once sex-too-soon enters the picture for a lot of female's, she percieves the situation as being far more meaningful, that it would be without the physical intimacy. I suggest you slow down. Don't put other females through your emotional baggage. Why not try just being friends and getting to know other females, in a non-physical way and seeing them as people, who have interests, goals and aspirations, like yourself. That way, going slower..enables you to build a bond of friendship in which trust and respect are the core building blocks, towards a more committed relationship in your future.
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