A
female
age
51-59,
*ara456
writes:My fiancee has an ex that he shares a long history with. They were off and on for years and he cheated on one of his girlfriends twice with her as well. It was about 5 years ago, and the girl he cheated on was crazy and he wasn't in love with her. Him and I have talked about her before, and though I feel like I can trust him, I do not want any part of her in our house. He says he was younger, didn't have much relationship experience, and I know he is in love with me. I guess my feelings are partly jealousy and partly insecurity. Yesterday, he left his address book where we both keep our joint bills. I wondered what it was because it was not marked, and I flipped through it. Her address and phone #'s were in there. My question is it unreasonable to ask him to remove her info? After all, I don't keep my exes info around. Then there's the question of him accusing me of snooping. I think it was fair to look in this case, because it was lying in our things. In my opinion, it's fair game when it's out in the open. Furthermore, why do we need to keep secrets from each other? I am an open book so why shouldn't he be if there is nothing to hide.
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female
reader, Sara456 +, writes (30 November 2010):
Sara456 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnonymous,
I know that he would know I have looked in his address book. I would be honest that I looked. In my opinion, if there is something you want to be kept private, you don't leave it lying around in full view.
My reason for looking was purely curiosity of what this booklet was that was in full view. Don't we all have a natural curiosity?
A
female
reader, Sara456 +, writes (30 November 2010):
Sara456 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCerberus,
Thanks for your answer. I guess my problem with this is that I think she could be a temptation for him. I'm not saying he would act on this, but what if we were going through a rough time and he wanted to talk to her. What if he wanted to just see what she was doing? I'm not saying it would lead to cheating, but I don't think it's good to keep temptations around. I don't know what old feelings could still be there. Again, I don't keep my old ex's numbers. I don't want her name right under my nose as a reminder of what she meant to him. Thanks,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): If you raise this with him he'll know you've looked in his address book. He may or may not feel uncomfortable about that. But it does make you look a little insecure.What's the problem here? We all have address books with old contacts in that we have no intent of seeing or hearing from again. I think you are looking for a symbolic action here to prove she is very much in the past.I would forget it if I were you.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 There definitely should be honesty between you, especially if you are intent on marrying.
It is reasonable to be a little worried, especially if he was willing to cheat. It does not matter how serious that previous relationship was. But focus on the here and now. Has he given you any reason to doubt other than his actions in other relationships? Has he ever given you ANY reason to suspect unfaithfulness? If he has, it is reasonable for you to talk to him about this. If he has not, I suggest you relax and try to stop worrying about this. Trust him as much as you will. He is going to be your husband and you his wife. If there is any doubt between you, deal with it now. Marriage is sacred, treat it as such and do not drag issues into something that is supposed to be lifelong.
I hope that helps.
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