A
female
age
36-40,
*abydoll0713
writes:My boyfriend and I started dating when we were 17 and he has now just turned 21. I don't mind that he is able to drink and does when he can but I am concerned about him going to the bar. We made a promise to each other that we wouldn't go to bars without each other (I turn 21 in less then a month) We did this only because we do not want to put ourselves in any type of situation where mistakes could be made. We BOTH agreed to this. But since he turned 21 he is going to the bars all the time. I try not to care because I wouldn't have anyways but the fact that we promised each other makes me a little upset. Things haven't changed with us and I've tried talking to him about it but he says that it's a right of passage to be 21 and go to the bar. To make matters worse for me we moved to a different state to be with his family and he has old friends that he goes to the bar with. I've never met half of these people and some of them are girls. I don't think he is cheating I'm just confused as to if I have a right to be upset and ask him to not go until I turn 21 seeing as it's not that far away, or I should just get over it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, babydoll0713 +, writes (15 June 2007):
babydoll0713 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I just wanted to thank everyone for the advice. I'm glad everyone can be so honest and that is what I wanted. But I wanted to clear things up because I feel I may have not been specific enough. We aren't visiting here, we live here. We moved here about 6 months ago because he wanted to be closer to his family. I do trust him and I have nothing but the highest respect for him. He is the greatest man I could ever imagion in my life. Also, I am not demanding and putting up a fuss that he is going to the bar because I really don't mind. He's a grown man and is very good at making the right decisions. My main point was I am just curious as to is anyone else would be bothered by him not keeping a promise he wanted in the first place. This issue has never brought about any fights or any other issues I just thought I would ask everyone. Thanks again guys!
A
female
reader, stina +, writes (14 June 2007):
 (Excuse me, in the first line I meant to write "don't think he *would* cheat.")
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (14 June 2007):
Hi Babydoll,
First off, I think that's a load of bull that you don't think he won't cheat. You yourself said "We did this only because we do not want to put ourselves in any type of situation where mistakes could be made." So that statement tells me that you *do* think he *would* be able to cheat on you.
The way I see it is that a promise is a promise, BUT I think that there are deeper issues here than just that. Why does it matter if he goes to bars...and if he goes to bars with girls? You make it sound like all of a sudden he's just going to go crazy and start cheating on you left and right! Give the guy some credit, especially if he has never cheated on you or made you think he would cheat on you.
I think you need to have a talk with him about where you both are in the relationship. Tell him what's on your mind. Because the issue here is not "he promised" - the issue here is that you do not trust him. (Can I ask you why you don't trust your boyfriend?)
If I were you, I would be slightly annoyed that he didn't keep his word, but it's not like he's doing anything that would be detremental to the relationship. He is not going out to hurt you - he is going out because this is what young people his age do a lot of the time to have fun! I think that you need to be less concerned about him going against what he said and more concerned with being a controlling partner. Just as angel20 said, "stop putting a leash on him otherwise you will just push him away."
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): He's just turned 21 and his friends want him to go to bar and to be honest if i was him i would want to go to, you should just let him and stop stomping your feet about it, you will be 21 soon, you haven't got long to wait so just be patient. In the meantime stop putting a leash on him otherwise you will just push him away. x
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 Imagine role reversal if you had turned twenty one first and you were back in your home town and all the friends were asking if were coming to the bar i'm sure you would be up for going even if you had made that promise, like you say you only have a little while to go and your boyfriend has not given you any reason to doubt him as long as he spends time with you aswell make the most of the free time to yourself.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, spirited +, writes (14 June 2007):
He made a promise, and promises shouldn't be broken. And you're not making him wait a year for you, just a few weeks. He's being selfish and unreasonable.
Be firm in your convictions. He is breaking a promise to you, and a guy should not be around liquor and other women unless his girlfriend is around.
Inform him that it is a matter of respect to you, and he is not doing so in behaving this way.
Don't let him go by the way-side.
God Bless!
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