A
female
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anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's daughter who is 7 years old told me she wants to know why her mom and my boyfriend got separated. She doesn't understand why everyone keep telling her they will explain to her when she is 17-18. The truth is her mom had an affair with another guy and decided to leave my boyfriend for this guy. The girl is now living with the mom, mom's boyfriend (not married yet), and their new born baby. I know it's not my place to say anything, but do you think that's fair to the kid? She sometimes wishes her mommy and daddy is still together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): This is really a matter for the little girls parents. If she asks you then you must politely but firmly tell her that she needs to talk to her parents and then it is up to them to decide when and what they tell her. If you jump in this could well backfire on you and you will be seen as interfering. As you are dating the 'innocent' party, so to speak, your actions could be interpreted as vindictive.
A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (29 August 2007):
 Kids will always wish for their Mommies and Daddy's back together. Dad should reiterate for her that Mommy lives there and Daddy lives here. Sometimes Mommies and Daddies don't get along and have to live apart. Not all Mommies and Daddies, but some of them do. When she is older, and you let the child decide if they are mature enough, and asks, Daddy if he had an affair, Daddy should say no. If the child asks did Mommy have an affair, Dad should tell his daughter to ask her mother. If she never asks, then don't tell her. A child can take a broken trust from a Mom or Dad as a broken trust to them. It would affect her ability to trust for the rest of her life. Just because Mom and Dad couldn't make it work, the child shouldn't suffer any more than she already is. You are right, it is definately not your place, this one is up to Mom and Dad, and you're still "just" a girlfriend of a separated man. Side note for you, Mommie and Daddy are not divorced and still might get back together. It happens more often than you think. He chose to leave her, but when kids are involved sometimes egos are put aside for the kids sake.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (29 August 2007):
Maybe 17-18 is a little excessive, but it depends on her maturity at the age of seven. She might not be able to handle it or completely comprehend it at this time. It also might taint her view of her mother at this early age (rightfully so, I guess, but she needs to have a stable relationship with her mother).
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