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*una~
writes:My boyfriend has a problem with me dancing with another man. Do you think it's fair?Background info: I used to take ballroom dancing with my gay friend. After I dated my boyfriend, I have stopped. He doesn't like me dancing with another men because he believes it's an intimate thing to do and you only do it with your partner (he said he would learn if I really want to go dancing). He also doesn't like me going drinking, or going to the bar. Not that I do that anyway. But is it only my man that thinks like this or other man do too? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): I know what your boy is talking about. My girl friend likes to dance too and i dont mind her dancing, but the thought of her getting all close to another guy, grinding and being felt kinda bugs me. We have talked about it and i am still trying to figure out how we can compromise. i think if it bugs him that much get him out with you so no one can have his place buy him. All in all just talk.
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female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 Hi,
Just wanted to add, that I have done ballroom and Latin dancing. And the chances of you picking up a dishy man while you are learning are pretty slim. They are either gay or the types that most girls wouldnt touch with a barge pole. There are of course the few exceptions, but on the whole, while the girls are usually very pretty the men are mostly gross.
He sounds like a complete control freak, tell him to either join in, stop moaning or bugger off. I bet you would support him in his hobbies.
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female
reader, Gena Bullock  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 Tell him to join you or good bye. Life's too short to have hang ups like this. Enjoy ballrooming...if he was smart, he'd learn it too.
It's like telling him to stop watching TV; he might SEE a girl on there you don't want him looking at...Jeesh. That's so lame.
Stick to your guns, honey. The balls in your court!
Gena
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (28 March 2008):
 I can totally understand him feeling jealous. The ballroom dancing is a physical thing - you are touching someone else, you're standing very close, they have their arm around you, and you move in tandem, together. Dancing can be erotic, and if you're doing it right, it certainly establishes a physical connection between the two of you. Music and sex and physical harmony go together. There's nothing worse than seeing the person you love gliding round the room in perfect physical connection with ... someone else.
So let's forgive him here. You have to understand it. If it was the other way around, and you couldn't dance, and he wanted to do it all the time, you might feel jealous, too.
HOWEVER, you know he's got nothing to worry about - that you're doing it for the pleasure of dancing, and being yourself. So I would take him up on his idea, and get him to learn. Then you can do it together. That really really is the fairest way to go with this, and the kindest. The whole thing - other men, being so close to them, socialising with them - it's obviously eating him up. If you love him and want to be with him, understand that. He needs reassurance, and to be involved. Take him to the classes. And I bet as soon as you say you understand rather than that he's being unreasonable, he'll start to feel better anyhow.
Depends how much you love him. I don't think he's trying to control you here, I think he just can't cope with feeling so jealous. And I understand why he feels like that. Show him how much you love him. Don't stop the dancing, but do it with him. Then anyhow you'll have to dance with others in the class sometimes, but so will he. Make it equal.
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (28 March 2008):
 My grandma gave up skating for her husband who ended up cheating on her anyways. Don't let him try to control your life.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): Drop HIM as soon as possible
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female
reader, amity +, writes (28 March 2008):
All I have to say is.. I'm married. And when you date someone the point is to find someone to eventually marry or live with. When this happens it is harder to keep the things that truly make you.. you. If you two are dating and he is asking you to give up a hobby imagine being married! Ask him to stop working on his car because you would rather spend time together.. ask him to stop listening to his favorite music... stop eating his favorite food cause it's too unhealthy etc.
Think of it this way you love him right? DO YOU LOVE YOU???
If he did, he would want you to be happy.
goodluck
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 March 2008):
 Hi Yuna, I think I just answered another question from you about buying property with this same boyfriend?
I'm beginning to worry a lot about what is going on in this relationship, if he's asking for money and is trying to control your friendships...
What is going on here?
Here is the other link to your other question...now I really have doubts about this.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-trust-him-if-i-commit-to-a-mortgage-agreement.html
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 It is not fair on his part but he has compromised that he
will be your partner.That should be fair and square.
Going to drinks and the bar alone is not advisable unless
you want to break up with him.
There is a price to pay, for you are no more single and can do whatever you like.
You need to consider your partners feelings.
If you like to do those things then your relationship will be rocky.
It is your choice, your lifestyle or him?
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male
reader, polarkite +, writes (28 March 2008):
 Anon, did really put it well. One thing I noticed..
"he said he would learn if I really want to go dancing"
Clearly, you do, or you wouldn't be doing it! Whenever guy's put "really" in a sentence it just means it's a hassle and they'll only do it to get you off their backs.
This guy has issues, he doesn't have a right to boss you. You are only trying to have fun.
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (28 March 2008):
 Although I think that most women don't go out and bar hop after being in a long-term relationship on a regular basis, if you are so inclined and a friend asks to go out to a bar occasionally, you shouldn't feel that it is up to your boyfriend to make this decision for you, and neither should he. Giving things up in order to please him could be the start of a bad trend for you. I can't imagine why he would object to your dancing with a gay friend if you are into ballroom dancing, that seems a bit controlling to me. Guys might say that they will join you and take up dancing, but it sounds more likely that you will wind up giving up the things that you love, that make you unique, special and interesting individual, in order to please him. The irony is that all of those things are probably what he found attractive about you in the first place, and now he wants you to change. Have you asked him to give up any of his outings or hobbies? If the answer is NO, I think that you need to consider this request and his behavior as a Big Red Flag.
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male
reader, Peterk5699 +, writes (28 March 2008):
 I'm with what 'Anonymous' Said.
It's only dancing, there's nothing wrong with it. I've been out to bars and danced with people who I've never met before then the next week danced with someone else.
Dancing is dancing, it's not cheating or anything alike. It's called a hobby, that's all.
So as 'Anonymous' said, either tell him you do it becase you enjoy it, invite him along or just end it cos he's controlling you too mch.
Good luck in getting it sorted :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): Dancing? Seriously? Your boyfriend has issues. He sounds like an insecure, controlling ass. Tell him he has three options: 1) he can be your dance partner; 2) he can get real comfortable with you dancing with other people if/when you want to dance and he doesn't; or 3) you will end your relationship with him.
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