A
female
age
30-35,
*ustagirlx18
writes:I just turned 19 years old and my boyfriend just turned 21. We have both been attending college locally, but at different schools. We live about 30-40 minutes away from each other and the drive is not bad. Recently, I found out that he is thinking about moving across the country. We have only been together 6 months, but he is the person I am closest to and vice versa. I have never felt this way about someone and I do love him, but I don't know if a long distance relationship at this age would work. I also haven't been with him long enough to trust him completely, especially him moving to a whole new place on his own. I feel like he would have a whole new life without me, and most likely he would meet somebody while living down there. As much as I love him and want to stay with him, I think it would be really hard and painful being away from someone you love. What makes it even harder is we are both young, and experiencing college life. He says he wants me to be supportive, but I can't because I really don't want him to leave. I left my previous boyfriend of two years to start a relationship with my current boyfriend, and I probably wouldn't have left him if I knew I would fall in love with somebody who would move away so soon. Is it easier to end things if he leaves? Please help me.
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female
reader, justagirlx18 +, writes (1 June 2009):
justagirlx18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to get back to the reply that asked why he is leaving, it is because of a few reasons. the first being that he is at a local school and he really wants to do a specific program that is only offered at the campus 1,000 miles away. the reason why it is important that he does it now is because his sister is leaving for school and his mom is getting married and moving in with her new husband. of course he offered for me to go with him, but it just seems really unrealistic for me to move with him. I just can't afford it. He is the one who wants us to try and work things out and is somewhat upset by my reaction, because I immediately said that long distance relationships don't work. We both didn't leave for college because we were in relationships, and we have both mentioned that it was a mistake because the relationships fell apart. He is only considering it at this point and has a few months to decide what he would like to do. He has school monday through friday, and says every three day weekend, holiday, or long break he would make sure we would see each other. We are still only talking about it, but it's really hard for me to enjoy my time with him because in the back of my head I keep thinking how he might be leaving me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): I have been in a very successful long distance relationship for 3 years (+1 year not long distance before that) that started when we were 22/21.
Let me say: it's hard. In order for it to work out, you both need to make tremendous sacrifices. Not only do you need to be visiting each other often (we did every month for a while, but one of us moved out of the country so now it's once every three months), but you have to be willing to put all the jealousy and concerns to the side and view keeping things simple and happy as the most important thing.
I don't know if I would have been mature enough to do that at 19 -- at times we haven't been mature enough to do it at our age.
The most important thing is to be on the same page. If one of you thinks it's better to see other people and the other doesn't, then it's not going to work, etc.
It's an incredibly difficult decision to make, and while I know I made the right one, I have seen plenty of other people's relationships fall apart with the distance. Regardless of what happens, just know that in the long run you'll be all right. If you both fully commit to your relationship, it can work. But if you feel that's not realistic (and it often, honestly, isn't because the temptation and loneliness can get to you), stay strong and with time you'll move on.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, keepitreal03  +, writes (1 June 2009):
End it long distance is too hard and he's young and there will be many girls and u don't wanna put ur self through drama. So don't hold on. Let it go
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