A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi people. I am 18, I want to know if it is common for a woman not to be able to orgasm at my age? Or feel that cumming sensation without helping my self during sex? My boyfriend says it's weird and it hasn't happened with any of his ex's. It's starting to upset me. Is there something wrong with me?
View related questions:
his ex, orgasm Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Cinnybinny20  +, writes (9 June 2013):
I'm 18 also, have never orgasmed, and the advice here is great, maybe I'll talk to my own boyfriend about it. But I am under the impression that being 18 and not orgasming is normal. I always thought women were a lot like wine in this aspect; we get better with age. And experimentation. But this boy sounds like a dick, sex takes two and instead of saying it's weird, maybe he should put, more effort into helping you orgasm.
A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (6 June 2013):
There's a lot of great advice here. The second most memorable sexual experience of my life (after the physical and emotional intensity of a double-virgin wedding night) was the time I helped my wife to her very first orgasm.
That was over 39 years ago. Since then, I actually find it rather exciting and a turn-on when she slips her hand between us as we make love and helps herself toward an orgasm - though it's much more common for her to tell me, "Can you give me a finger?". (And this is a woman who has probably averaged 2 to 3 orgasms for every one of mine during our marriage.)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2013): This sounds like something I would have posted myself a few years back :-)A high percentage of women do not orgasm through penetration alone. So do not worry or feel weird. You are perfectly normal.'My boyfriend says it's weird and it hasn't happened with any of his ex's. It's starting to upset me. Is there something wrong with me?'Some of his exes probably lied to him to keep him happy and save his ego. Guys take it as an affront to their manhood if their partner isn't cumming. They wear your orgasms like a trophy which unfortunately puts a lot of pressure on you to cum or lie if you don't to keep things calm.My advice is, 1. do some research about the female orgasm, reassure yourself that there is nothing wrong with you if you don't cum from penetration alone - because there isn't!2. sit down with him and educate him on the female anatomy and how your body works. Even if (highly unlikely) he'd made all his exes cum - you are not them. It is unfair and silly of him to expect what worked for them to work on you. You are your own person and your needs are different. He should be focusing on finding out what makes you tick.3. during the act - relax. Don't even think about cummming. Focus on enjoying the sensations. The more you obsess about cumming the less likely you are to get any enjoyment at all.4. try the Coital Alignment Technique as that stimulates both your clit and your g-spot. Again, focus on the pleasure not on cumming.5. Take a good look at your relationship. Your boyfriend is making you feel bad about yourself by comparing you to his exs. And by saying you're weird for not living up to his expectations. I obviously don't know him but as someone else said, it's not very loving of him to make you feel this way.I was in the exact same situation with my first boyfriend. He said there must be something wrong with me because I wasn't cumming. He put a lot of pressure on me to reach the big O which took the fun out of it for me. Suffice to say, I dumped the guy and have since met someone else who didn't put pressure on me. Someone who was patient and focussed on giving me pleasure not his own ego.
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (6 June 2013):
 The aunts have advised you correctly. Also you might want try sex just after your periods as woman are most fertile and turned on easily, it also depends how much time the BF spends pleasuring you, tell him to focus on you as this time its about you and lets see how good he is!
...............................
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain +, writes (6 June 2013):
No there is nothing wrong, except maybe you have a boyfriend who hasn't learnt or understood much about women. It doesn't help that he talks about and compares you to his exes (how many are there? How old is he?) maybe it's time to wonder if there is something missing from his side?But to be fair it is tricky to give a woman an orgasm when she doesn't know how to make it herself. I remember at your age with my first girlfriend and we had been having sex for about 3 months before she had her first orgasm. And it wasn't from sex, we were just playing and started licking and suddenly she erupted, one of the best memories of my life! From sex it sometimes be 20 or 30 minutes before a woman can orgasm, if at all, except when she wants to get pregnant! For women orgasms are a complicated mixture of hormones and emotions and what you think in your head is very important (although i think i am happy not knowing what shes thinking!) Practice on your own, relax, get an erotic novel, and learn to enjoy yourself, before you allow your boyfriend to.
...............................
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (6 June 2013):
 Highly normal for most women. Plus you have to let him know what you like exactly everybody dont like the same stimulation. Im great at giving orgasm but have a hard time catching one without doing it myself also.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2013): Normal,
I am 21 and still have not had an orgasm. But it doesn't bother me, and by the way his exes LIED to him....he thinks they all had an orgasms but they didn't. They just told him that to make him feel better.
...............................
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (6 June 2013):
 You aren't weird or abnormal or anything of the sort. Perhaps your bf's exes were too nice not to say anything about his performance in bed, there are very few women who can orgasm just from intercourse, most need their clits stimulated as well as intercourse.
You're both young. Take the time to explore each other, what makes you feel good. Tell him how to touch you, tell him that you need the extra stimulation as most women do.
Good luck and happy sexy time.
...............................
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (6 June 2013):
 Most women need sustained, direct clitoral stimulation during sex in order to reach orgasm. Since your clitoris isn't located inside your vagina, penis-in-vagina sex isn't likely to give you the stimulation you need.Have you ever orgasmed through masturbation? If you have, then you already know what you need to do in order to bring yourself to orgasm. Do that during intercourse, and eventually you'll be able to orgasm during, too.Since men aren't born with female genitalia and most are poorly educated and misled because of porn portraying unrealistic sex, they have NO IDEA how important the clitoris is to female sexual pleasure. PLEASE TEACH HIM, it's your job as his partner to. You can't expect him to read your mind or "just know".
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 June 2013):
 There's nothing wrong with you. Most women do not orgasm from intercourse alone; some do but most women need clitoral stimulation.
It would be like asking him to orgasm from having his scrotum stimulated but without any stimulation of his penis. Not likely to happen.
Don't let him make you feel weird or odd or different. You are completely normal. I expect most of his exes had to fake it to get through sex with him, as he seems a bit, um, selfish? uninformed? demanding?
You are completely, utterly, commonly NORMAL. :)
...............................
|
