A
female
age
30-35,
*avesearcher
writes:Hi,My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship now. We have been apart for about 6 weeks out of the possible 7 months. My boyfriend and I chat on the phone mostly every day. I am in full time uni so I really have to take time out of my day for this to happen but I do it becuase I want to! It's just something you do. He isn't working or doing anything as he has a knee injury. I have sent him a few little letters and emails, and photos, and a gift just to show that I am thinking of him. I didn't ever expect anything much in return but I expected a little something back for him to reciprocate.He hasn't responded to any of my letters in the mail, and I hinted whether he was writing me a love letter of my own. He said yes he was but that was a over a month ago and still no letter. He also hardly responds to my emails.When I brought this up he said that I was very demanding and hard to deal with when I said that he didn't seem to be putting in a lot of effort. I don't understand...At first I was nice then it caused an arguement. He said that unless I just allow him to relax and not make him feel guilty for not doing those things then he will maybe do things like that.I only mentioned it twice because he didn't seem to change. IT caused a big fight and then he did start sending me caring emails and things! but only for a DAY. Now I am sitting here with a plastered grin on my face across the world not to be a burden while he does nothing to show effort. I do believe that making the phone call is effort! especailly because of the time difference, but all he seems to do is mainly talk about himself. There isn't another girl. I know that. I don't know what's wrong. I just told him I feel unappreciated. And he even declined me going to visit when I have a break from school becuase "there is no where for me to stay".
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (6 June 2013):
 Its really simple give him a taste of his own medicine. Stop sending cards, letters and gifts. Dont call dont text.
In order for him to appreciate you he has to value you and by the lack of effort indicates that you are not priority.
You can start having fun and go out and do what students do and make yourself miserable waiting for the letter/email/message or call.
Alternatively, get on a bus and pay him a surprise visit and to find out what is keeping so busy that he has no time for you.
Yo may need to brace yourself as you recently apart and your BF is behaving like a jerk.
Remember no contact. You cannot make people do things but you sure can stop letting people hurt you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2013): I think it is time for you to stop sending him gifts and letters and expecting him to make any effort while you are away. It seems like you make most of the effort in the relationship and you feel like his unwillingness to make much of any effort at all means he isn't interested in the relationship.
Why not tell him how you feel? Why not explain to him that if he doesn't make a good effort and keep up a good effort (and recognize how difficult this has all been for you) there won't be any relationship to put any effort into?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2013): He sounds like he's not coping with the situation as well as you are.
Or at least he doesn't have the same expectations as you in this relationship.
Either way, you're not getting what you need from the situation.
I'd say cut your losses and move on before you end up hating each other.
Normal relationships require some commitment and effort from both parties. Long distance require double that commitment and effort.
Take it from someone who's been doing long distance for over 2 years... You two are not going to make it if you don't have a serious discussion about your expectations and how you are going to make this work for both of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2013): I don't know how long you were together before your boyfriend went away. Why wouldn't he want you to visit knowing you'll be apart for the next 6 months or so? That doesn't make any sense.I can understand him being a little cranky, if recuperating from an injury; but he has a lot of time on his hands and it's important that he keep lines of communication open while away. That's how you keep long-distance relationships working. Boredom should make him more than ecstatic to hear from you.Were I in your shoes, I'd send him very limited communication and leave gaps in the middle. I would test him to see how he would respond to that. You have to by-pass your own emotions right now. Just detach and back off.He's acting like a spoiled child; as if you asking him for acknowledgement was a painful chore. In fact, you shouldn't be asking for it. It's not the same as something sent from the heart spontaneously. How is the sentiment the same if you have to beg for it?You don't say where he is; but unless he's at the North Pole, Afghanistan, or in Siberia, you can stay at a hotel at least for a few days visit. Sounds like somethings up. Is he away on business, school, or military deployment? Let your contact dry up for a bit. If he doesn't take up the slack, he may be up to no good. Stop begging. Leave him alone and make him wonder what you're up to.
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