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age
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*indyCares
writes:This is not a relationship question but perhaps some of the aunts will spare a minute to satisfy my curiosity. Yesterday we had a long thread on DC about a violent brawl in a pub between two young men fighting over a girl. Regardless of the OP's question- I noticed I was the only one to find the episode very disturbing, everybody else sees it as pretty normal.I wonder : how really common is for people to fight over a woman in public places- or to fight at all, as for that ? And how much socially acceptable is it considered ?I admit that I have lived a rather sheltered life- but with occasional walks on the wild side, including a permanence in a London squat,six months in a Dublin blue collar neighborhood, and many years in New York City which is a crazy place by definition.I have seen a lot of posturing ,some pushing and shoving, but never actual violence. Was I lucky ? Inattentive ? Are people becoming more violent ?...Thanks for your comments.
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reader, raiders  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 I have seen episode of anger, jealousy, and violence. I feel that this behavior is unacceptable and sadly enough it happens very so often. I feel that this behavior only proves the insecurities of that person. I don't think real men will have to throw down punches to feel manly, only the immature ones. The vanity that a female might feel for this fight is also nonsense because what does that fight really proofs that she is a trophy to the toughest guy. I have to agree with you CindyCares I find it very disturbing but I have witnesses it and I don't find sexy or flattering at all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): I think people now believe they have a right to attack others - whether it is physically or verbally. I think the boundaries have been 'fuzzied' by an increase in 'opinion' culture (where people have a say in pretty much everything and anything - commenting, voting etc). Personally I think people have lost respect for one another through this and basic manners are gone. I actually commented on that post and said that it was a criminal offence so I don't believe it was in any way acceptable - whilst sadly it is the case that it does indeed happen. Without wanting to degenerate into a 'how sad is society' mission I would relay one tale... I was returning my supermarket trolley to the bay and a group of teenage girls were in the way of the entrance to it - making it difficult to get past them. I stood there looking at them, waiting for them to move and one of the girls said "Don't look at my mate like that you f***g cow". They moved. I returned the trolley and then got a load of verbal insults such as "Bitch" "Slag" from each one. What would have happened if I had retalliated? Had a go at them? I guess I would have been set on physically - so I kept quiet and walked away. All in the name of returning my trolley. Perhaps there is simply no tolerance from some and too much tolerance by others. Either way - committing a crime in public and considering it acceptable is not a state of mind I ever want to have - and won't.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (28 May 2010):
CindyCares is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you,aunts and uncle Daniel, it was really interesting to get such a multicultural input from all over the world !
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 I take it that you mean that situation in which two men are after the same woman, when the woman hasn't made it clear who she wants to be with.
Beyond it being common or not, I wonder whether it makes sense. It's offensive to the woman in question, as she is a prize that will be won in the arena, but whose feelings or preferences are not considered.
It's stupid for at least one of the men in question, as a black eye is no way to determine whether the woman loves you. Maybe it's stupid for both men: if she were willing to let the matter be decided that way, as in an ordeal, well, I would rather not be with her. I would let the other guy "win".
I agree that sometimes there's not actual violence but posturing and the like. And, in case you haven't noticed, women do it.
This happens, but I agree with Bitter (and Wise) that it's not exactly the best thing to do.
Bitter, what if the guys and the woman have a threesome, and then they find that they like each other better than they like the woman? Just asking...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): I dont regard violence in public places as normal. And i dislike it as much as the next person. Though i saw my fair share of fisty cuffs as a teenager in discos! But that was mainly younger lads fuelled with testosterone and beer. Listening to my daughter now, it sounds as if her generation are no different, But again, the violence is pretty much confined to the local nightclubs, young lads, beer and testosterone. It seems to be a right of passage for a lot of them. So no real suprise there. What is suprising though. Is the number of girls and young women who drink at the weekends and become violent and verbally abusive in public! I live in a small coastal resort with 5 night clubs. After say 9pm the town centre is a no go area for normal folk. Not because of guys brawling in pubs and clubs. But because groups of girls/young women, some barely old enough to be out drinking, paraded the streets arm in arm, drunk and highly abusive. Even looking at them is seen as a challenge and that sparks a violent reaction. That does suprise me and is a worrying trend. I feel safer passing a group of drunken men these days, rather than girls and womens. And I know a lot of males who actually say the same. It appears some females feel they have "girl power" by emulating the baser instincts of men. Which is rather sad really.
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reader, bitterblue  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 Common among the uneducated perhaps and mostly accepted in the same area. Someone with self control and self respect naturally doesn't lower to such level. Also domestic violence seems more prevalent among the uneducated although isn't missing from other spheres as well. Too bad it is tolerated and sometimes thought of as deserved by some women, also the type taught to 'bear the burden'. As for the teens, it's a pity, as you have noted, that some even feel prized to be the excuse for some punches. Now why should they fight over the same woman when the three of them can be happy together with the modern concept of threesomes, even foursomes and such?...
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): Cindy,
I agree. I don't feel that it's acceptable either. I know an ER nurse who says stuff like this happens all the time--she knows firsthand, because they usually end up in the ER, sometimes in very bad condition.
I think people have always been very violent--especially when it involves love and passion. It's unfortunate.
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