A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a single female and a few months ago, had a chance to get to know a male colleague of mine who's located in a city 4 hours away. We hit it off immediately and very quickly became friends though common interests. After our first meet, we have not seen each other again but have kept in touch through online chats every night and text messages every day. Recently, our conversations have involved flirting and us sending pictures of ourselves (nothing inappropriate) to each other. He lives with his girlfriend and their son and is therefore in a stable relationship. He never talks about his girlfriend and I wonder how he can be living with her and yet spend hours online chatting with me every night. I know that our interaction is becoming inappropriate. The content of our conversations and the picture sending would be considered a form of emotional cheating on his part by many women. I am not sure what advice I'm seeking here. I have not told anyone about this because in a way I know it's wrong and I am somewhat ashamed of it. But is it wrong or is this just harmless flirting? Is it common for men in committed relationships to engage in behaviors like this with another woman? Why is he doing this? He tells me that he likes me but I usually laugh it off or ignore it when he says it to me and just play it off as a joke. I am not in love with him or anything but I do enjoy his company and we get along great.
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female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (26 June 2013):
 In a way you know it's wrong..that is a YES to a question: do you think it's wrong or not? If it's wrong it's wrong, end of story.Please do not wait for the time that you wont be emotionally able to quit this type of "harmless" relationship. Believe me, I was exactly in the same situation as you before. If I am given the chance to go back, I will go the other way...and that is to have avoided my friend. My friend's gf at that time was already cheating on him and I was at that time fresh from a broken relationship.But even so, no justification is enough for a wrong doing. And I admit that even though my relationship now is perfect, I am not immune to being paranoid that one day my now bf would start up a friendship somewhere else and end up leaving me.Men are vulnerable to these types of harmless flirting. If you don't want to be the object of their temptation, then don't be. Remember, if your gut feeling says it's wrong, then it's wrong.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 June 2013):
 There's really only one thing for you to focus upon: That is.... there is NO SUCH THING as a "harmless fling".....
.... that would be the same as suggesting that there are "cute, but not very powerful nuclear bombs..."
End of sermon....
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 June 2013):
 "in a way I know it's wrong"
IN A WAY?
do you realize if they were married and she filed for divorce she could name you as a reason? It's not wrong in a way It's VERY wrong. OF HIM.
Is it common? I would not say it's common but unhappy men who think they are happy do some odd things.
He lives with his partner (gf) and their son but that does not mean their relationship is good or stable. In fact, I would make the assumption that it is neither since he is willing to devote time to you and risk being found out.
Online chatting and texting DAILY is emotional cheating IMO. I'm betting his gf does not know he has regular DAILY contact with you and if she did she would not be happy.
IF his GF knows about you and the amount of contact you two have, then there is nothing wrong as long as she is ok with it. but I'm betting she does not know you exist and if she did she would not be happy.
Your attention strokes his ego and makes him feel like there is life out there. He probably wonders if his relationship is as good as he can get and is putting feelers out so that if someone or something better came along he'd figure out a way to get out of his relationship.
Why not ask him about his gf and his family/home life... ask if you are a known entity or his dirty little secret and if you are a secret ask WHY....
Ask him if he's ever cheated and if so why?
And then ask yourself if you were a gf who's guy was doing what he's doing how would you feel?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2013): It's as common as women who engage in home-wrecking.Why are you doing that?You're seducing another woman's boyfriend. Yes it is wrong, on his part and yours. Don't try to push the guilt over on him; you are enticing him to cheat, and he is slowly taking the bait. CUT IT OUT!!!There is no innocence involved in flirting with someone who is not available. At this point, all is premeditated; but it is leading up to having sex. Sending your pictures to him is a set up. You know his girlfriend will eventually find them. You're sending out every signal you can to lead him on. She'll be as pissed at you as she is at him, if not more so.Be careful...she will know who you are and what you look like. So you're dumb, as well as mean-spirited. Flirting is innocent when done in passing. Each person goes their separate ways. Men and women naturally flirt.Chatting, texting, and exchanging pictures is well beyond flirting. Apparently you have a lot of spare time on your hands and you'd rather spend it with another woman's boyfriend; instead of finding your own. That's sad.You're not taking anything as a joke. Breaking up a relationship isn't funny. Someone is going to get hurt.Leave him alone. There is bad karma in what you're doing.You claim you aren't feeling anything for him; but you continue to do it. Have the decency to at least show his girlfriend some respect.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 June 2013):
 Honestly I wouldn't worry so much about why HE is doing this, I would worry about WHY you are.
You know he is in a committed relationship, so technically he should be off limits. If this was a friendship I doubt you would feel ashamed of what's going on.
BUT since you asked about him, I will try. He might be bored of not feel like he get enough attention and ego-stroking at home so he will seek it from someone else (you). Once his GF catches on I'm guess he will drop you like a ton of brick or make it out like YOU have been the instigator and YOU have been chasing him.
He is talking to you online EVERY night? Would YOU be OK with your BF/Fiance/husband doing that with another woman? Would you be OK with yourself (if you were in a relationship) doing this? Flirting and whatnot?
Think about it.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (26 June 2013):
It is good to know that you are not in love with this man as his track record re his girlfriend talking to another woman on line for hours is not a very loyal thing to do to the mother of his son.However i do understand where your coming from and how the frienship developed.On your side its genuine .But with the many problems that you stated.Ask yourself this question-Would you Trust this man and think well before you answer.Would you consider meeting a man who is free to love and respect you and someone that you can trust.Kind Wishes Nora B.
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (26 June 2013):
It is good to know that you are not in love with this man as his track record re his girlfriend talking to another woman on line for hours is not a very loyal thing to do to the mother of his son.However i do understand where your coming from and how the frienship developed.On your side its genuine .But with the many problems that you stated.Ask yourself this question-Would you Trust this man and think well before you answer.Would you consider meeting a man who is free to love and respect you and someone that you can trust.Kind Wishes Nora B.
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (26 June 2013):
It is good to know that you are not in love with this man as his track record re his girlfriend talking to another woman on line for hours is not a very loyal thing to do to the mother of his son.However i do understand where your coming from and how the frienship developed.On your side its genuine .But with the many problems that you stated.Ask yourself this question-Would you Trust this man and think well before you answer.Would you consider meeting a man who is free to love and respect you and someone that you can trust.Kind Wishes Nora B.
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