A
female
age
41-50,
*ngeldust25
writes:My problem is I am not sexually attracted to my husband ,at all. The only way for me to be at ease is if I get really drunk to have sex with him .But he don't like that .I can't have sex sober with him.Since he cheated on me I lost all lost I had for him .So I cheat.
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cheated on me, drunk Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 February 2017):
 Why are you both still together? The only thing left for you guys to share is the possibility off STI's. Get divorced and move on with your life. Two wrongs do not make a right.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (13 February 2017):
You two need to go your separate ways.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2017):
 Why stay in this marriage?
You obviously have lost your attraction to him, your trust in him, your respect FOR him (and yourself), probably your love and faith in him as well.
So why stay?
And how do YOU cheating on him solve anything? It's not a valid excuse that because HE did it, you can do it too.
Having to get drunk to have sex sounds awful. WHY put yourself (and him) through that as well?
Get a divorce. You haven't gotten over his betrayal of cheating and you won't - that is clear by YOUR actions.
Set him AND yourself free. Free to find happiness with someone else or by yourselves.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (13 February 2017):
 Well Angel,
Some things that quickly come to mind are:
If you are that drunk you are not consenting to sexual activity.
Loss of attraction is normal with betrayal and cheating.
Rug sweeping is an ineffective method of solving infidelity issues, as you have proven.
So your solution is to double down on a losing bet?
You are making a terrible situation into an awful tragedy.
If you would care to elaborate we can pursue this into specific advice, but at this point you need a lawyer more than a counselor.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (13 February 2017):
 Your marriage was over when you both cheated. Make it official with a divorce and find someone who won't cheat on you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2017): What is the point of staying married if you both cheat?
It is not a problem at all. You know what the problem is and you have addressed it.
Now, it's time to do something about it.
When I was no longer sexually attracted to my husband, I LEFT him.
I had this massive crush on another man and was so tempted but I did not want to cheat on my husband (he was a good man and never cheated on me) and break his heart. So, I left him first. I did it honestly. I knew it would hurt him but it was better to be honest than hurt him by sleeping with another man and putting him through the pain of my cheating on him. That pain hits harder than anything in life.
I can see why you retaliated by cheating on your husband. I would probably do the same thing. But two wrong's don't make a right. He was an asshole by cheating and it shows he did not love or respect you enough to keep it in his pants. So, knowing he did this to you, WHY did you STAY with him?
You should have been repulsed and disgusted and hated him enough to leave.
It seems you feel trapped in this marriage somehow. Well, you don't have to be. So many people are afraid to leave marriages when their lives would be so much better if only they had the guts to shake it all up.
Life is too short to live in misery and as I have said many times before, marriage should not have to be a life sentence.
There are ways out.
You just have to find the courage. And then follow it. Make a plan to get out. Even if it takes awhile.
This is not a way to live. You will always be miserable if you continue like this.
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