A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently did something so stupid, I literally threw-up an hour after it happened. I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I would be the one to do something like this; I think it's down-right wrong and makes someone look and feel insecure about themselves and their own relationship if they cheat. But I'm not sure if this is considered cheating: I do have a boyfriend and I let my ex-boyfriend rub me in a certain way below the belt. Let me tell you, after the fact, I felt worthy of going to hell (even though I'm not a religious person - although that doesn't matter). I cried for hours and told my best friend about it and although she couldn't exactly help because she's never been in this situation before nor has she ever known anyone in this situation before (until now), she calmed me down. My ex told me it isn't cheating, but I don't know if I did or not because I didn't do anything to my ex and it was only rubbing of that "special" place - but it still doesn't take away the fact that everytime I look at the pictures of my boyfriend and I, I cry. I feel like such a terrible person; that he deserves so much better than I could ever be for him. My guilt is making me miserable and I know that's how I should feel after something like this, but I can't tell my boyfriend! I just can't! I am so afraid to lose him, I've wanted to be with him for over two years now and I just couldn't handle this. And the thing that gets me about this is that I am over my ex and I think that I let this happen because I've been "deprived" of a sexual experience. I just... don't know what to do... And I am so sorry for what happened! It's just so hard dealing this! Will I ever be able to deal with this? Is it cheating? Should I tell my boyfriend? Help... please...
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best friend, insecure, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): Well, what a refreshingly nice 'followup'!
I really hope things move on for you Miss, you do sound so genuine and I do wish you Good Luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAw man, I thank you and appreciate the answers you guys have left. It still kills me a little inside everytime I see those pictures and I can guarantee you I'll feel like this for a really long time. But I've decided not to tell my boyfriend, though, unless he's ever curious and asks if I have. I've already accepted the fact that I did cheat and it just sounds so weird to say that because I've never done this before and I know - I just know - I will never do something this completely stupid again. Feeling like this is just horrible; I never want to put myself through this again! It was an extremely selfish thing to do and simply put, I'm never doing it again.
But thank you again. I greatly appreciate it!
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A
male
reader, Manximus  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 Hun, no you should not tell your boyfriend.
What happened could just as easily have led to much much more, but it didn't.
Some people think a kiss is cheating, some people consider sexual contact to be cheating.
What you did was sexual contact and something that I would consider cheating, but this has left you feeling guilt ridden and I think that it is the correct form of punishment for you. Now you realise how things are and I am sure you now value your boyfriend much more than you did previously. You can use this to your advantage and maybe it will help you to both become stronger.
You made a mistake, but a mistake is something everybody makes from time to time.
To be honest, you will probably always feel guilty about it, but the guilt will ease over time.
Just don't let yourself be put in that position again. It sounds like your ex is very manipulative and I think it is best you distance yourself from him.
Best of luck
M
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): Yes it's cheating, as you well know - No, don't tell your boyfriend, why turn your guilt into his misery? That's just plain selfish.
Your suffering through your guilty conscience, that's your punishment. You'll get over it but don't forget it - a lesson learned.
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A
female
reader, Phoenix-Rose  +, writes (17 June 2008):
I dont mean to be but i'm sure this is going to sound harsh. I'm sorry to say but yes i would class that as cheating because its a form of sexual contact and you allowed it to happen so yes i believe it was cheating. But i think you have to tell your partner because as you say the guilt is making you miserable and if you dont tell him how are you supposed to be in an honest and loving relationship. Sorry i cant help more.
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