A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm 19 and a virigin. I have a bf who's also a virigin (he's my first ever bf) and he really wants to have sex. We came kinda close to doing it once but we've never gone all the way. Part of me really wants to wait til marraige but part of me kinda wants to do. He says most people don't wait, that we'll be cautious and use a condom and all that stuff. But I'm still not completely convinced. He says he doesn't want to pressure me to do anything but in a way I kinda feel he is. Idk .... do most people wait? is it better to wait?
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male
reader, PD  +, writes (15 June 2009):
Hey... You're only 19. I was still a virgin at 26 and "did it" the first time with my virgin wife after our wedding. Let me reveal some truths about us.... Our "first time" was disappointing. But until today, almost 15 years into marriage, that night was most memorable because that day, we had intercourse many times despite the weaker "first time". Because we both never had sex before marriage, we just can't stop having sex from that day onward, and many times each day. In fact, we have sex so many time daily that I can't be bordered to wear clothes at home for five years -- until out firstborn became two! So you be judge. Do You think it's worthwhile to wait? (Note: I'm now a father of 4 kids. I still wants more, only constrain by my wife, the one who goes through birth pains.)
A
female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (14 May 2009):
 Some people wait but only have sex with the one partner. That's the person they marry, but don't necessarily wait until their wedding night, they wait for the best part of a year before having sex. So there are different versions of waiting. Watiting can also be 2-3 months, it's all relative.
The main thing is because you'll both be eachothers first, do you want eachother to be the only people you sleep with, only ever sleep with one person?
I think most guys would put some pressure on the girl (unless they have religeous reasons and want to wait until marrige). They are happy to wait, but not wait forever or wait until mariage. They assume at some point soon you'll want sex.
How long have you been together now?
Are you having mixed feelings? In an ideal world you would wait until marriage or at least wait until you are having wedding plans, to be sure you are marrying him first? OR do you suspect that by the end of this year you will have had sex?
Fiona
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Sex won't get you the heart of a guy you don't have, and it won't help you keep the heart of a guy that you're losing.
Wait as long as you want.
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A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (8 May 2009):
Yes, he is pressuring you. Maybe not intentionally, but he is.
(I can't make out the itty-bitty flag icon next to your ID - is it Mexico? Whatever country it represents, the following details are probably a little different.)
A little research on the 'net or in the public library will turn up quite a few studies about the "do people wait?" question. Some of them have questionable results; they lack what scientists call "good experimental controls". Many of them were done by organizations that have a vested interest in obtaining a certain result - to obtain grants, sell a product, promote a political policy, etc. However, if you carefully consider the best and toss out the rest, the pattern looks something like:
- In the U.S. at the start of the 21st century, by age 19 about half of all people have had sexual intercourse. Maybe a little more than half of all women; a little less than half of all men. This also means that about half have NOT had sex.
- By age 22 the number is up around 80% - 90%. That still leaves 10% - 20% virgins - a minority, but a significant minority.
- There aren't very many wedding-night virgins, at any age - probably 5% or less (my wife & I were). However, many couples wait until they are formally engaged to be married before they start being sexually active.
- A significant number of young people, especially High School ages, who claim to have had sex actually haven't. Yes - that means some of your friends have lied to you about their sexual experiences.
- Many (in some studies, over half) who have first sexual intercourse before age 16 say they were too young or not ready for sex.
If you and your B/F are talking about sex, you two need to understand what it means to each of you, respect those beliefs, and work to help each other maintain those beliefs. There are ways, short of intercourse, for you to deal with the lust and compulsion you are feeling.
My wife and I waited until marriage to have intercourse. That position was more important to her than to me but I respected her desires on that account. It wasn't a bad decision in any way, and I have no regrets over it. On the other hand - if we HAD become sexually active before marriage, I would still be very pleased that we had been each others' ONLY partner, even if we did begin before marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): "Part of me really wants to wait til marraige but part of me kinda wants to."
The answer is right there. Do what you "really" want to do, not what you "kinda" want to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Ive had enough of religious crap
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (7 May 2009):
 it doesnt matter what other people do. if you want to wait, you will be happier you did when you get married.
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