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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi I have a friend whose boyfriend (S) left 6 weeks ago after 8 years together. He is very confused and says he doesn't know how he feels and he doesn't love her anymore, but wants to be friends. She is finding it very hard to get closure as he can't give her any answers and he becomes angry when pressed. What I need help with, is about her son (D) who is 15 (not S's son). He is not an easy child, and is taking it all very badly, blaming his mum and pestering S trying to get him to come back. She is hoping S will stay in contact with D and he says he wants to, and she is trying to encourage regular contact. Personally I think this is not going to work, S has stopped replying to D's texts and does not turn up at arranged times. I think she should take advice on the best way to help her son D - she wants to encourage contact and then to 'wean him off' but I wonder if it would be better to go for a clean break in view of the way things are going. Personally I wonder if the weaning option will just prolong the agony for him and drive them all further apart? Has anyone got any good websites I can show her, or know any sources of good advice please - maybe counselling (for all of them I think!)? Thanks
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (12 June 2006):
 S has been part of D's life for a long time, he no doubt views him as a father figure, you don't say if D has contact with his biological father, but if he doesn't I think it will be very upsetting and confusing if he is suddenly stopped having any contact with S, he may start to think he has done something that has resulted in the break up of his mother and her partner.
If S wants to remain in contact with D he will need to be consistent and be there when he says he will, and not continually let him down. It is early days yet and S may be feeling guilty at ending the relationship and the subsequent effect it has had on D.
I think should D want to continue having contact with S he should be able to, he should be left to make up his own mind regarding S, his relationship with him is different to that of his mother's and should she stop him seeing S he may well resent her for it in the future.
There is a good site that deals with all relationship issues www.relate.co.uk
I hope my view helps a little.
A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (11 June 2006):
 The only site that I can find that might be of any help is the one that I have included here. They help deal with children whose parents are divorcing of seperating, so i guess is somewhere along the same sort of lines, someone that he is to having around suddenly not being there and how best to deal with it. I think perhaps counselling is needed, but I dont think she should stop her son seeing him, as this will later lead to alot of resentment. I know shes hurting and not sure which way to go, but if he makes her son happy then she should run with it for a while, hes unhappy at the unstableness and still wants contact, not sure if the guy involved will be able with this, but at least let the child decide whats he wants to do, but this is my view and im sure others will view this differently.
http://www.relate.org.uk/familylife/
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