A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. He's my best friend and we had plans to buy a house together in 2016. He's been very hot and cold on the subject and I find myself worrying about our relationship more and more. He's promised me he wants the house, the wedding, the kids but never seems to want to talk about it or make plans or look at houses or budgets etc.He had dropped out of college before he met me, and we met at college (his 2nd go around) he openly admits he wouldn't have made it through without me pushing him to make deadlines, helping him etc. He then got a really great opportunity at work, a promotion which opened up a bunch of new paths he could have taken. And he took the job and then stepped down, he then quit entirely to become a builders labourer with the end game of becoming a brick layer. I find myself constantly worrying that he won't follow it through (again!) and I'll spend another 3 years hanging around waiting for him, putting my life on hold while he finally grows up. What if he doesn't, and I've wasted 6 years of my life on him, and I have to start all over again in the scary world without anyone by my side? He know's I'm unhappy, but I don't think he thinks it's with the relationship. Should I save myself the trouble and break it off and get a little place of my own, or am I totally over-reacting and he just needs his own time?Sorry about the essay!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2015): How would you have wasted six years of your life with him? You are in a relationship not a dead end job. How is it a waste if you love each other?He sounds like he doesn't know what he wants right now and I'm assuming he's a similar age to you, so that's not really a bad thing. Now IS the time to experiment and find out what you're good at and what you enjoy. If you were in your 30s or 40s, that would be a different thing, but fresh out of college... give the boy a chance. Don't give him a talk or give him a deadline to 'sort himself out' - he sounds fairly sorted to me, he has a job and some sort of plan, I don't think it is fair to want any more from him. If you want to buy somewhere and he's not ready, why not wait? Why not start to save yourself and then when he IS ready you'll be in a better place to buy?I think there's a bigger picture here, I think maybe you're looking for a reason to end the relationship and maybe he doesn't want to have the marriage and house buying talk because he's not sure on the relationship either. The house buying thing is something you've just convinced yourself if an issue, even though it is really not. You need to have a think about what you really want and whether that includes your boyfriend.
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (14 December 2015):
 Sometimes you have to take the initiative to move things forward. It does sound as if he has been going through a bit of a crisis with his life and work. Perhaps a house and a family is a bit much for him to take on.
However it doesn't stop you going forward with plans. You can visit estate agents and get on their books. You can start initial plans for your wedding.
As things progress he will either buy in to it, or say categorically that it is not what he wants.
There are times when the woman has to be the go-getter. It's what makes great partnerships.
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A
male
reader, Sam Wilson  +, writes (14 December 2015):
 So i understand you're problem and I have to say...if you really feel burdened by your relationship with him then you should break up with him if you really think he's holding your life back. But if you really do love him you cant let himself be like this. I really feel sorry for him and if it was my girlfriend who acted that way I'll do my best to support her give her time. You should confront him about your feelings before you decide if you should break up. Because I know its his fault for him to not feel your dissatisfaction in your relationship but if you dont tell him you wont give him a fair chance to mske it up to you.
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A
female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (14 December 2015):
Hi there,
He sounds quite a bit like me - procrastinator to the T. If I didn't have someone by my side, like you, who would keep egging me to go ahead and get things done, I probably would have done absolutely nothing.
Since you have been with him for three years, I think it's time to give him a tiny kick on his backside. Give him an ultimatum. Tell him this is what you want, and this is the time limit that you can afford to wait till.
If he doesn't man up and get serious about you future, you will walk. It will not be pleasant for you either, but it is what you have to do.
Tell him that, and give him some time to get his act together. If he still hasn't done anything worthwhile in that time frame, you can bid him goodbye.
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