A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi i recently met this guy and we started dating we went to a movie 3 days ago we kissed and made out and we are still dating but i don't know if he sees me as a girlfriend or just a friend or just a date or maybe even a friend with benefits or does he think im automatically his girlfriend just because we are dating and we start kissing. Does a guy necessarily have to ask a girl to be his girlfriend for her to be his girlfriend or is it automatically understood that i am his girlfriend since we date and kiss?
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female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (15 March 2009):
 Generally you are dating until one of you approaches the topic of becoming official...Give it a few more dates then bring it up...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): There is a simple way to nail this one down.
Does he calls you his GF in front of his other friends? If he doesn't, then he does not really consider you his GF no matter what he says to your face.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): Men and boys think differently than we women do....I wish I had understood this when I was your age, it would have saved me a lot of heartache.
Do not, never bring up the where is this relationship going talk with a guy you are dating first....he will feel pressured by your asking and it takes the wind out of his sails, men like to pursue, they want to think they have to win YOU over, not the other way around.
You on the other hand should never assume anything, you also should not playing the role of his girlfriend before he has asked you. You should continue to date as many guys as you want to....until he puts a ring on your finger if that is your life's desire....if all you want is serial monogomy then take yourself off the dating market when HE asks you for a relationship.
Guys will always think that they are only dating you until marriage is on the table and a ring is on your finger and a date is set, otherwise they will get off that relationship train any time they want to do so.
So how do you get a guy to ask you to marry him. Well it is a process. He has to feel an emotional connection with you, he has to feel safe with you to allow himself to give up his immaturity and commit to you....and that is a thing that you only have control over yourself, not him. You have to continue to date other men always, even if it is just friendship with other men or coffee dates....he has to know that he can loose you at any time throughout this process if he doesn't pay attention and step up to the plate.
You should always keep your focus on YOU, not on him, and live the life that YOU want first and do what makes YOU happy and not worry so much about what he is or is not doing. Keep your own friends, keep your own activities and pursue your goals and dreams....and figure out if the guy you want is worth it, worth your struggle and worth YOU, how will he fit into your life and does he have the characteristics that you truly want. You are the selector, not the pursuer, which means you have walking power, so do not ever give that away by pursuing a man more than he pursues you.
Men go after what they want. If he isn't asking you out, if he isn't letting you meet the most important people in his life then there is a reason for that.....so don't waste any time on trying to "figure out" a man, they aren't that complicated, they go after what they want. More often than not they don't want a relationship with special girl, they want a girl to have sex with and have as a companion, but they do not want to settle down with one girl, so why should you settle down for a guy who is offering you a temporary spot in his life. You shouldn't you should date as many guys as you want until someone secial to you steps up and claims you....by putting it out there that you are the ONE he wants to be with forever.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): Give it a little more time. If he doesn't mention it then ask him - in subtle way. Otherwise, you might be a friend with benefits.
but give it time coz you're getting to know each other.
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A
female
reader, triedit  +, writes (15 March 2009):
 Nope. You will never be completely sure unless you discuss it. If you are going to have a good relationship you should be able to talk about anything, so just ask him! But try to do it without pressure and if the answer is no, don't freak out.
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