A
female
age
30-35,
*ollowtheblackrabbit
writes:BIG question...What's appropriate for a first or second date? I went to dinner with this guy for our first date and now, he wants me to come over his house and he admitted that he was really attracted to him and joked we might end up in bed or something...I'm really new to the dating scene-I just turned eighteen and am a virgin. I want a guy to take me "seriously" but I don't know what's "proper" in these modern times since my family is old-fashioned and everything to them is pretty much "improper." Help.... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): There is not reason to be embarassed by your question, that is what we are here for, and we are objective bystanders, we don't know you and no one else would Know your real identity either.
It was a good question, there are no stupid questions!
A
male
reader, happy140  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Sure as long as you take a friend-other wise NO-you don't even know him yet-has he raped in the past, is he a convict?--never until you know and TRUST him and ALWAYS advise someone where you are with a code word that can be used to say your in trouble, ie,Does Kathy still have that bleach blond hair" sounds innocent but tells someone you need help--always do that
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 I don't want to scare you but the majority of sexual assault victims know their attackers; usually, it's an acquaintance. If you don't know this guy well, don't get alone with him.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Sorry, didn't see your follow up. Yes you can mail tish-01 (hope she doesn't mind my saying but i know she's very open about being a mod)
and I believe she can unapprove your question.
But there's nothing to be embarrassed about at all.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (30 March 2010):
If you're not ready to sleep with him, then I would suggest avoiding a date at his house. Especially any sort of sexual innuendo jokes gives false expectations, so steer clear of those also if you're not ready for sex with him. Suggest you go see a movie or something.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (30 March 2010):
You should never be in an isolated, secluded area alone with someone who you've only met once or even a couple of times. Even putting the safety aspect aside, I personally wouldn't go over on a second date, because that might tempt us to move things more quickly than I want them to move. Not going over would be removing a temptation as well as not letting a guy to think he might get further than you want him to.
~sy
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit +, writes (30 March 2010):
followtheblackrabbit is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks a lot guys :) I know what to do now... But uh, does anyone know how to remove the question now? lol I'm a bit embarassed.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit +, writes (30 March 2010):
followtheblackrabbit is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): There is a book written by Steve Carvey from a man's point of view about women and dating and women that they would be proud to call a girlfriend. It's called "Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man" If you are new to dating, this would be a great book for you to read.
This guy is letting you know before hand that he wants to have sex with you and he is feeling you out on whether or not that is going to happen, he wants to invite you to his house so he can seduce you and get you into bed.
I wouldn't go if I were you. Why would you give him sex before he offers a relationship? Further, even most employers know how new hires can look great on paper, but once they get into the job they can be complete nightmares, that is why they have 90 day probation periods.
But here in our sex crazed sex worship culture, we will give a man sex before he has been on the job less than 90 days as our "boyfriend". Guys who are after only one thing won't wait around, and you will be far better off for having figured that for yourself.
Also, people always tell us who they are if we wll only listen. This guy may be a player with his I am so attracted to you we may end up in bed on our second date.
Don't fall for it....if he can't prove himself to you, then he is not for you, throw him back and find a guy who really likes you for you and sees you for who and what you really are and wants to know how he can be a part of your world....he will work to get there with you.
Hope this helps you out. The old fashioned views of your parents are based on the fact that men and women are truly different, and that will NEVER change no matter how modern we women think we are.
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male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (30 March 2010):
 DEFINITELY stick to the public places and avoid being cornered or talked into heading back to his place... until you are completely comfortable with all that might happen (including the sex part) or until you have developed a level of trust and comfort in his company. Not that your new guy is a jerk or anything like that, but I would always recommend that you take responsibility for your own safety.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 There is no hard and fast rules about dating. If you know him well and feel safe, secure and trust him , then go .
If you don't really know him, play it safe and go later.
If you go , it could end up with something which you might regret later.
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female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 He wants to take you to his house to have sex with you. If you don't want to have sex with him (I suggest to wait until you know him better plus he will respect you more if you wait.) then make this clear to him and do not go to his house. Keep the dates public until you want to have sex.
Good Luck!
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