A
female
age
30-35,
*elodys
writes:Hello, i am having problems in my relationship right now! I am 21 and my boyfriend is 29 we started dating 4 months ago but we have been very good friends since i was 15, I moved to Chicago a year ago because i was offered a scholarship by The university of Chicago, i stayed in touch with my current boyfriend he even came to visit me we tell each other everything, he is doing his Phd right now but in DC which is our home town, he asked to be his gf i accepted (well ive always loved him but never told him), he told me how he has always liked me, it was really sweet and we would text all the time, talk over the phone, email each other as many times as we could...But then things has changed lately, he doesn't really call or text or email and when he does its something like hey how you, how was your day? it makes me feel like he is just some friend of mine so talked to him about this and he told me that its because he is busy and when he is busy he is not in the loving mood really and for him to be sweet and affectionate he needs to be in the mood, i said but where does that leave us? you are going to be busy the whole semester so does that mean you are not going to be affectionate at all? he said when i am affectionate it doesn't mean i love you more and when i am not it doesn't mean i love you less he said thats what mature relationship is about, i said i know that you love me but i love when you tell me that, he said that we will talk about it the next day and since then we haven't and its killing me.I call him every day, text him and email him and i have school and work but i manage to find time for him because i really love him so is it really because of our age difference that we see things differently or he is not ready for a relationship? Or am i just overreacting? I know for a fact that he is not seeing someone else but i want to understand his behavior and i want to know what you will do if you were in my shoes! i know guys are not as emotional as girls!I feel like he is only available to me when he wants to be and i think its kinda selfish, I have to just wait till or when he decides he feels like us acting like a couple and also have to be okay when he wants to act like my friend, i am totally confused!Thank you guys
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female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (19 September 2010):
 Hi. Youve got it in one. He is being selfish. Im in a mature relationship with a busy man and theres a large age gap. We live together so i see him every day. He still sends up to ten messages a day and calls when he can. So your boyfriend is making excuses. He thinks he is safe to keep you on the back burner while he pursues his education and interests. You are right to be concerned because he is neglecting you. So have another word with him and explain what you need from him if you are to be happy. If he isnt prepared to put aside even ten minutes a day to call or text you, then he isnt very concerned about making you happy. Which is rather worrying.
A
female
reader, cooListic kid  +, writes (19 September 2010):
 Each to there own but, some people take age difference differently but 21 and 29 isn't a massive age difference me and my boyfriend are 18 years apart and we've been together for 4 years, and i love him more then anything to me it hasn't faded its just gotten better! To me it doesn't sound like age is an issue to him but like you said it sounds like he is just coming to you when its convenient for him which is not on. "mature relationship" that's a load! Affection shouldn't fade if you really love someone and it sounds like its just a one way street which i wouldn't call a "mature relationship". I'm just gonna be blunt and say i wouldn't bother with him he doesn't seem the trouble, He just doesn't sound invested the way you are and that's not a good sign. It sounds like in a way hes just given up. Everyone deserves happiness and somehow i don't think you'll find it with him.
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