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female
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anonymous
writes: Was he abusive? I need reassurance that he was abusive, that it wasn't my fault. I am no longer with my fiance (thank God), but moving on and sorting out all that has happened is still hard. The weekend before I broke up with him we went with his friends camping. He stared at a girl's ass which made me feel bad, but I didn't say anything. Then, he asked why I was upset so I finally told him. He said I was ridiculous and that he didn't look at any girl's ass. He was so mad that he said he would start checking out girls in front of me. That hurt my feelings even more and I just wanted to talk to him before we went to sleep but everytime I tried to get a word in he cut me off. I started becoming someone who I wasn't and tried to rip up a note I gave him because I was so upset that he wouldn't resolve anything. He got mad and tried to restrain me, and then I started crying him and calling him a "fucking slut" (which I know was way out of line). He proceeded to pick me up and push me out of his RV. He locked me out and I cried uncontrollably, and his friends said I could stay in their RV. I know I'm partly to blame, but was his behavior abusive (both emotionally and physically?). When someone won't let you speak to resolve an argument isn't that wrong? I wasn't trying to get in a fight, I was just calmly asking if we could talk about it and he just kept cutting me off. It hurt so much
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): This sounds exactly like what happened with me & my ex when I was 18 & we went camping! It was our 6 month anniversary, and he had an idea to go camping, so he was supposed to come get me at 4 pm. He didn't show until 6 something, saying that he was at a friend's and lost track of time. That night, at the campground, his friend showed up. I was upset b/c he didn't even tell me he invited this guy & I thought it was supposed to be out anniversary night. They got drunk & talked about girls, and my ex said some actress girl was so hot. I was very mad & wouldn't talk. Later in the tent, we got into a fight, he wouldn't talk about it, and I tried to walk down the path to leave, and he found me by driving his truck around. Then later we fought in the truck and he pushed me out, and I fell to the ground. I would call it abuse in a way, but it probably was prevoked by alcohol. I also know that most guys around this age aren't mature enough to be in a respectful relationship. Especially when you call them out on something they did, they are not mature enough to own up to it & they take the offensive mode..I assume you will break up at some point, just keep this as a lesson & in the future you'll know better what you want out of a partner. It helped me & now I am married to a really nice guy who wouldn't disrespect me in that way.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Nobody can tell you if there was any abuse. Did he escort you by the arm? Did he take both hands and ram then in to your back as you were going out the door. The truth is hard to get at in these scenarios. The men usually lose too, not always deserved, but common.
It ousnds like it was a heated argument. The word abuse gets thrown around too easily too. Think before you make any accusations.
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