A
male
age
51-59,
*uzz
writes:I am so confused. I am 37. Have a 5 year old daughter and a 17 year old step son. My wife has bounced from job to job and I have held my professional management position for 15 years. I make almost 100,000 a year and her spending habits have depleted us. I pay the car payments, insurance, mortgage, and utilities. She has now quit her job due to depression. I have talked to her and she is seeking counseling. We are in a financial mess. 8 months ago I met another woman and she is willing to take me and my daughter in. I did have an affair with her. I decided to go back to my wife, but the laziness and depression are still there. I try to make it work but am not happy. I see everyone online bashing men for affairs, but I am a romantic... I want it to work for my daughters sake. Is it just a pipe dream on my part? The "other woman" truly does love me. She is 7 years older and has never had kids but her friends and family love me. Ohhhhhh what to do?
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 If she had depression, that explains her side of the story. People who are depressed may not be lazy, they're depressed. I think you need to get some therapy as a couple. If you make the money you make and you have financial troubles, it's time to take a look in the mirror. Your wife may have helped you get to this point but you have to take some responsibility too. Spending may be something she does to give her spirits a lift. It only works for a while though and the she needs to spend again. It can be an addiction.
It seems these days are proving that many people live above their means. We get in over our heads because everybody else is doing it. We coaxed into spending more than we earn and pushing our debt to income ratio to the maximum level. When that happens and we hit a bump in the road, we're in big trouble. The US economic crunch is a prime example and living the "good life" has a price tag.
The fact you had an affair because your a romantic is a really lame excuse. Instead of dealing with your problems head on, you've complicated them even more. You should focus on what is wrong in the marriage and how you can repair it. If nothing works and you break up, at least you tried.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): HiHave you ever wondered WHY your wife has spent so much money? Were you a workaholic? Was she lonely?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): If you are unhappy in your marriage and have tried everything to your best ability to make it work, but your spouse is not bringing her side I would suggest there is no point to remain in this unhappy situation. I don't approve of affairs and I think you need to be very honest with yourself. Are you wanting out of the marriage because of the other woman?
If you are unhappy you should proceed with a divorce, irrelavant of the other woman. We all deserve to be happy, but you cannot built happiness on deceit and "cheating". I suggest you put a hold on your affair untill you at least made an end to your marriage. Your wife deserves to know that you want to move on with our life. Set her free and then start your new life without having to feel guilty.
Yes, I know it can be complicated, but the there is no reason to delay the agony. The sooner you do what you have to, the better for all parties concerned.
You need to do what is right. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 You have one life and you're coming up for 1/2 way through it. It would be a terrible thing to spend the remaining years of the 1 life that you have, in a marriage with a woman who takes you for granted and with whom you're not in love.
...............................
|
