A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Let's see here... I guess I can start with the beginning. Back when I was in highschool, I'm now a freshmen in college, I became very close friends with a girl. We hung out and generally were able to talk to each other about pretty much anything. Junior and senior year, I drove her to and from school and this is where I feel our friendship started to take a dive. I got this weird feeling that she really was just taking advantage of me. She'd always ignore me when we were in groups, and I even heard mention of her wanting to get a restraining order against me at one point in time, but whenever it was just me and her, things were amazing. We got along great, we talked about our problems together, we generally felt like best friends. The whole four years that I hung out with her in highschool, I had been developing feelings for her, and I finally took the chance to tell her in the beginning of our senior year one day as we were driving home. She, kinda coldly, turned me down, and we just went back to how things were, except there was a very strong "awkwardness" between us for the rest of the school year.Over the summer, we didn't talk at all besides when I invited her to my birthday party. She came, but with her new "boyfriend," whom she brought without even asking.A week before college is about to start for us, she decides to send me an e-mail, stating about how horrible her summer has been, and how much she's changed. We hung out one or two times before she left, and decided to give me her new screen name for AOL Instant Messenger (which I'm pretty sure she got a new one because she didn't want to talk to me).A month into college or so, she's been messaging me on and off every couple of days. I notice that she's really depressed, but I just didn't have to the time to sit down and talk with her. Eventually, about a month into college, I find that time. And she opens up to me about everything. About how she's been so depressed since coming to college, about how she didn't go to the college I went to because she didn't want me to feel bad, about how she nearly had a severe mental problem over the summer. And basically about how she really wasn't ready to lose me as a friend. She also mentioned how she realized that I'm the only one that's been around when others weren't, and how she knows that I understand her completely. And we both agreed to be completely honest with each other from now on. She's the one who cut off from me, not the other way around, and decided to rekindle the friendship. I had planned to drop her like a rock if she didn't contact me before the summer had ended.Around this same time, I have also met someone new at college that I have started to like. She messaged me on Facebook three days before college started saying that we should be friends, as well as my roomate. Initially we bought found this to be a little creepy, but as we got to know her, she has turned out to be a really cool person. I just recently started to like her and I am planning on asking her out soon at some point. I told the girl from high school about her and asked for advice, but she just seemed to shrug it off.I still really like the girl from high school, but I also am really beginning to like the girl from college. I honestly am very confused right now about how I should feel. On the one hand, I've found a girl who I believe I might be able to go out with (I've never had a girlfriend) and on the other hand, I have the girl from highschool treating me as her best friend now.If anyone has any tips on my current situation and actually had the patience to sit there and read my entire spiel, I am completely thankful to you. I say this from the bottom of my heart. I have been in emotional turmoil for as long as I can remember now and it just kills me to sit here thinking because I have no clue about what direction I should take.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response! I tried to go with your advice, but I'm a really shy guy and have trouble even talking to women that I don't know.
UPDATE:
The girl from college that I like found out from her friend about how I feel, and ever since she's been avoiding me. Her friend recently told me off pretty badly too. Saying how I only think about myself and that I won't have any friends in the future because I only care about money. It's completely untrue. All of my friends, both male and female, told me to just disregard this and called her a bitch. I agreed.
The weird part about it is... is that she had talked to me earlier that day and even told me to hurry what I was doing so that she could have someone to talk to. Then in the evening, she ripped me a new one, then a couple hours later, she was back to normal. I have my suspicions that it was the girl I like and not her friend that fueled the anger because they were hanging out at the time that she blew up.
Now as for the girl from high school. We've continued to talk to each other nearly everyday. And it's now winter break for us, and she constantly wants to hang out with me. Back in high school, she never once asked if I wanted to do something outside of school, and would always turn me down if I suggested doing something. But now, she seems to get mad if I don't include her in my plans. And she's constantly asking me if I want to hang out.
Her actions towards me are completely different from how they used to be. She used to be nice to me when we were in private and sort of ignore me in public, but now she's even NICER to me in both private and public. I can't get her out of my mind now. I haven't been this happy in a really long time. Even though I still love her, I'm not going to say anything about it because we've already gotten past this fact, and I don't want our friendship to become awkward again. If she has started to develop feelings for me past friendship, she's going to have to make it happen at this point.
As far as I know though, she still just thinks of us as best friends, but her attitude towards me is a complete 180 from what it used to be and it's driving me nuts! She has the ability to make me happy no matter how I feel that day and I truly love that about her. So I do like spending time with her, but if she does only think of us as friends, I want to figure out a way to help me get my mind off of her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): When we are in the situation it is sometimes difficult to find a direction, but when you look at if from outside it does make it easier. Almost like and eagle gliding above looking down on the situation.
Obviously you have feelings and emotions attached to these girls and that is making it more complicated for you. But I suggest you continue to be friends with the girl from highs school, as friendhsip costs nothing, but don't consider an exclusive realtionship with her,( not at this stage anyway). Just be a good friend.
As for the other girl, well, I think you should get to know her better. You are young and you are fee, there is no reason and nothing to stop yo from getting to know other girls and to even pursue a relationship with somebody else should you wish.
I don't think you should rush into a relationship with any girl. Enjoy yourself, go out with girls, get to know girls and let things develop on it's own.
Stop worrying about what to do, just start being yourself and enjoying yourself. Have lots of friends, and when the right person comes along, you will know that this is the person you want to have more then just a friendship with.
Concentrate on your studies, have fun and meet good friends untill one day you realize, "I am in love".
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