A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im 25 with a 6 year old son, i always dreamt of having more children however i am adamant the next child will be born inside marraige. The problem is i am still single and worry about my son being an only child. By the time i find someone to settle down with and tie the knot, my son may be grown up and too old to bond with a new brother or sister, and im also worried about starting again. As things stand, i will be 37 when my son is 18(this is when i will have my life back) if i have more kids in a few years i will never be free. Has anyone else ever just had the one child? If so, could you tell me whether this was a good thing or a bad thing? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maofone  +, writes (19 May 2011):
im in the same situation as you are. im 28 and my son is 8. me and his father split when he was 1. I havent dated anyone that i would have another child with either. And on the other hand if i had another baby,the age gap would be so big,they wouldnt be close anyway. Like you,him turning 18 is 10 yrs away(ill b 40) and ill be able to come and go as i please so ive decided i dont want anymore and if you dont-there's nothing wrong with you! imjustsayin
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (18 May 2011):
 my son is an only child, i never ever wanted more children and anyway me and his dad split when he was a baby and i have never met anyone else since then that has made me want to change my mind on the subject.
being an only child has good and bad points - i can only go on my experience here though, my son's behaviour is really great compared to that of his friends who all have siblings. i often think that the sibling rivalry, competing for the parents attention and fighting over toys etc can teach them to be argumentative and really quite nasty, maybe some people might call this 'assertive' though!
i do sometimes feel sorry for my son and worry he may be lonely but i think you should maybe not create another person just to fill the role of friend/playmate for the child you already have. if you meet a man that you want to have a child with and you believe there is a good chance your relationship will work then fine, but all i am saying is if this does not happen then its just one of those things. don't have a child with the wrong man just to resolve this only child issue.
i am expecting my son to make good friends with people and to stay close to existing family members (his cousins) as he grows up. there is no guarantee that if he would have had a sibling that they would remain close anyway. just cause people share the same parents does not automatically mean they will get along
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much for all your possitive replies. I much appreciate all your feedback. I guess im more worried because of the 'baby inside marraige' part having watched my sons father abandon ship. I do feel i yearn for more children and your advice has put me at ease (for now) lol
Thankyou for taking time to ease my fears x
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 I had an only child and no, he is not a spoiled brat, nor selfish nor a mama's boy. If a kid is given ample possibility to socialize, and spend time with kids his age, he won't feel lonely , he won't grow up " strange" and he won't miss having siblings.
I think the "bonding " between siblings is actually overrated in a non-self contained, non rural society where people have so many opportunities for companionship, entertainment ,complicity etc. outside the small circle of their family. If two siblings are very close in age, maybe they'll bond playing together, otherwise not necessarily they'll develop a special closeness just because they live under the same roof. I have a sister who's 7 years younger than me, and while I don't have one bad thing to say about her , or any reason for conflict... we simply don't have much to say each other and we do not feel strongly about each other. With 7 years between us, we basically grew up as two only children, each one with her own toys, friends,hobbies etc.
Don't worry , should your son remain an only child ... he'll do just fine.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011):
It is neither good nor bad. It just is. As for age differences, my oldest sister is 10 years older and my brother is 6 years younger (meaning my sister is 16 years older than my brother). We never even thought about that.
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female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (18 May 2011):
 Hi
Having one child has its ups and downs. On the one hand, there is only one mouth to feed, dress,clean,wash,etc. but on the other hand if they had a sibbling to play with they would have a strong bond together, and have eachother to turn to when they need someone other than yourself to talk with. My freind is an only child, and she hated it, she now has 6 kids of her own ( making up for it i guess) lol. There is nothing wrong with having a child much older than your son, as he would be able to help out more, and would look after him/her when you need a little you time. I know what your saying about getting your life back, but as you know having a child is your life, weather you have one or 21!! when they grow you will look back and say I did that and how proud would that make you. I dont feel that your the slightest bit resentful about having your child, your only young once so you probally do feel you missed out on some things having a child when you are a young mum, but the rewards are fantastic. My daughter will be 18 this year and I would never change a thing, I would do it all again, I have just turned 38, so me and my daughter are great freinds too, and we go out together, as im still young enough to have fun :). Yes I missed out on the touring, partying,but to be honest with the way life is today, I would much rather spend my time with my children rather than waste time on irrelivant things life has to offer now. At the end of the day, do YOU really want another child? if not then put your energy into bringing your son up to the best of your ability.
I hope this has helped
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): Hi no its not a bad thing to have one child I am the mother of an 18 year old special needs teenager my daughter was born with trismony 21 Downe's Syndrome at birth and in March started with seizures and is now home schooled I am in my late 40's yes I will say I wanted other children but having her being born with her handicap no one she requires a lot of my time so no I do not think it is again.
My daughter has plenty of cousins teenagers and she has some little ones who she loves dearly and them her
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou missed the point of my question entirely, you say im still young enough to have more children- ofcourse i am but with my son already being 6 i am worried about the age gap that will exist between the two or possibly more.
You take obvious offence to me saying i will get my life back at 37, no i do not resent my child but right now i am limited to certian aspects in life as any mother will tell you.
Its all very well critisizing my opinion but when you have children and understand my point pf view then i will appreciate your reply- but do not feel the need to judge me and attack my opinion when it was based on putting my son first in any case!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): I'm an only child and to be honest I do feel like I've missed out on having a sibling. My Mum and her sister aren't that close and don't have much in common but when my Gran died they were there for each other. One friend of mine whos marriage ended and she was forced to move out pretty quickly went to her brothers. Another who just got married had all her sisters as bridesmaids who were all delighted for her and it was a really close family event. I could make a long list here....So yes while it hasn't ruined my life (and probably not your sons) I really wish I had a sibling, someone who (hopefully!) will be there for you if times get tough. I don't think age difference matters. Although as mentioned I know not all siblings are that close...but still I think they're more likely to be there for you than friends who sometimes (for me at least) just disappear, move away and are fairly busy with their own lives to be that bothered by your problems.Personally I would never consider having an only child but that's just me. In your situation I wouldn't worry about it yet, 25 is still pretty young and you have plenty of time if you want more children.
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reader, Lujza21  +, writes (18 May 2011):
Hello,I am just 19, dont have any child, but I know lots of pple who are only-children and you can actually see it in their behaviour. They are rude, they think only about themselves, they dont care for others, they cant accept other opinions, they are very bad in cooperations, they never share anything with others, they keep problems inside... So as I experienced that does not good if you are an only-child. With siblings you can learn many important things, which will make life easier, even others will accept you, you will be able to communicate better, learn that not you are living alone in this World (blablabla). And siblings can help eachother in troubles, they can understand, help in any ways.And you are so young, can easily have more kids. Just dont force it. Even after 40 you have life! My father is 52 now, he has 3 kids (me the biggest) and my sister is the youngest (just 12). But still my father has his own life, and he is very happy whenever he looks at us :)Hope I could help a little, but dont forget, its just my opinion! Might be others think some other way, but please you decide!
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (18 May 2011):
 I am an only child, and it never did me any harm! It has made me capable and self reliant and I do not feel I missed out on all the sibling rivalry, bickering, or nastiness. Admittedly I do not have a 'close' sibling I can turn to, but then how many siblings can say they actually love each other or even like each other? I have friends who are just as good as siblings... but you can pick those. You cant choose your family, even if you hate them. What is wrong in your eyes about being an only child?
As for being too old, I am older than you at 27, still unmarried and childless - do you think that means I should give up on ever having kids? No, of course not! You had your child very young, most women do not even start having children until mid-20's. You still have plenty of time before you become 'too old' to have more children.
As for the bonding between your child and any in the future.... this is something that can only be known when you try it. Getting used to a half sibling at any age must be a challenge. There are half siblings who are close in age and get on, there are those who are far apart and hate each other.. or vice versa. It is down to the individual children. You cannot predict what will happen. They may love each other, tolerate each other, or hate each other.
What makes you think that you will get your life back at 37 when he turns 18? Are you just going to wash your hands of him and kick him out the door? Kids are for life not just until they turn 18.
Why do you say that you will be 37 when you 'get your life back'... do you feel resentful that your child is taking away your life? It is possible to have your own life and be a good mother you know. You do not have to chain yourself to the house for 18 years!
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