A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i been dating for 3 years. we been through so many break-ups. he is a very jealous person. he can be controlling also. he is a great person when he wants to be. there's one problem though. i met him at my place of employment. im a bartender. he hates it with a passion. he wants me to quit my job and he'll support me. do you think thats a good idea? i dont think so, he could break-up with me at any time and what do i have? he's giving me ultimatum, my job or him. i told him him, he doesnt love me to do that to me. he needs to accept me for what i am. what's your opinion?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all who responded, y'all were so much help to my situation. Now i know, im on the same page as you guys. Thanks again for the advice..
A
female
reader, Azure Rain +, writes (18 November 2009):
Please don't give up your job. Im married and since my husband relocated for work purposes I haven't had a job. Before this had never been with out a job in my whole life. I go to school full time and I stay home. Its very very boring. It will seem like a nice break in the beginning but then it gets boring. What will you do all day besides wait for him to get home?Cook, Clean then what.Im looking for a job now because i need to have something that is mine. Workings helps you to feel independent and it will also not allow your b/f to control you.If he truly loves you he will not ask you to give up something you love doing. Also think about the money you make at work. It will be different once that extra income is no longer coming in i.e. less shopping or going on romantic dates.Your bf also seems that he wants to control you and that is not good because he is not your father and you don't need another one. If your bf's intentions aren't to control you then maybe just maybe he is worried about you because you are a bartender and he is worried about your safety. I didn't want to bash your bf because he can't be all bad or he wouldn't be your bf.
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A
female
reader, rednails  +, writes (18 November 2009):
I'm sure he'd love you to give up your job so you're totally dependent on him and so he can control and run you down even further. Next he'll be nagging you about you seeing friends and family, and eventually you'll have nothing but this controlling monster left. Anyone can be a great person 'when they want to be', but you deserve to have a great person always. Your job is hardly morally unjust or anything like that so he has no justified reason for him to want you to quit. I would not only pick your job over him any time, I'd run for the hills away from him too.
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A
female
reader, Tine +, writes (18 November 2009):
 i totally agree with you, theres no way that you should give up your job to let him support you. You earn your own money and therefore you are independant by giving up your job you are basically telling him that you allow him to control your life. You will have to ask him for money and ask him for the things you need and to be honest no girl should have to live like that.
In my eyes he doesn't want you to do bar work anymore because he wants to know who you are talking to and whose company you are in at all times, do you seriosuly want your life to carry on like this? You know yourself that if you break up, after giving up your job you will nothing or nobody, where as this job is your security blanket to the independant life you deserve to have.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 November 2009):
My mother gave up her job for my father and has been pinned ever since. I know of at least seven other women who live in my area that gave up work and have been pinned. But I also know some women who have given up work and had great lives.
It all depends on the man.
This man you are with is controlling and jealous. By giving up your job, you are effectively at his mercy. If he'd been a good guy, I'd have said why not. But he's not. He's looking to pin you so you have to do what he wants. You are right, if he loved you, he wouldn't make you choose, he would accept you as you are.
Don't be forced to do anything by him, ever.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 Hun, do not give up your job, by him giving you an ultimatum he is forcing you into a position where he can control you.
You have said that your relationship has endured many breakups and that he is jealous... red flags here....
Why would you want to give up your independance for a man who wants to control you and to be honest... tell him that if he wants to leave he is welcome to, as you are not going to give up work for him....
If he loved you he would not treat you this way!!
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